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_Erin_
07-23-2012, 04:26 PM
I know this doesn't tie in with drinking or drugs (unless they cause you to have one), but does anyone have any experience in living with someone who recently had a heart attack?

My boyfriend had a bad one on Friday. He is home now, not with the doctor's consent, and to put it nicely, is VERY hard to live with right now. He hasn't picked the smoking back up, is making a valid effort to change his diet and watch his salt, and his ego is bruised. I get that, but this is tough to live with. I feel under arrest - anything I say or do can and will be held against me. lol I can't say anything right, there's something wrong with everything I do. I'm very laid-back in nature but this is ruffling even MY feathers.

If anyone has any experience, comments or advice for me, I'm very open to hearing it! Please feel free to post here or message me if you feel more comfortable. Thanks!!!

Tere
07-24-2012, 09:13 AM
Hi Erin,
So sorry to hear of your boyfriend's heartattack! My gosh, thank goodness he is alive. I have had an experience in a past relationship with a man who had one and blood clots in his lungs. His moodiness will pass. His body and mind have been affected tremendously. Please do not take it personally, I know easier said than done!:) Also, yes, like Sylvane said he is also going through nicotine withdrawal. That is horrible in itself. Good luck to you and fast recovery for your significant!

_Erin_
07-24-2012, 03:16 PM
Thank you, Sylvane and Tere, for the advice and support! Ken, you too, you have been my lifeline through this. :)

Today was SIGNIFICANTLY better than yesterday. Things got so heated, I took my daughter and went to my sister's house, leaving him to himself and his thoughts. I think by leaving and diffusing the situation, no matter what his threatened consequences were ("If you leave, we're through"), it really helped. And it showed him that he will not control me just by throwing a fit. Today, I let him spout off at the mouth whatever he was thinking and said nothing. A couple times he said, "AM I TALKING TO MYSELF??? ARE YOU IGNORING ME?? DO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY??" I politely said, "No, John, I'm just trying to learn from yesterday's mistakes. I don't think there's anything I can say right now that will make this any better."

I Googled a list of heart-healthy foods. He won't eat veggies so those are out. :) We went to the grocery store and I let him read the nutrition facts and pick out his own foods and offered help only when he asked for it. A couple times he's said, "I really want a cigarette." I just say, "I know you do. Let's ask the heart doctor on Tuesday if there's something you can have to take the edge off." He says he's not sure he'll be able to hold out that long... I just tell him it's ultimately his choice, and if he smokes one or two by then, I will have nothing to say. I also told him I know it's hard but I'm proud of the effort he's putting in.

I really appreciate the replies to this! It's definitely nice to know someone is in my corner of the ring and that I'm not imagining this irrational behavior. lol Yes, it was very hard to not take personally, especially when I was worried if he'd even make it, only to have him home asking why I didn't do the dishes. lol He told me this is HIS life changing, not mine... he must be insane. :) Anyway, I think some of the resentment wore off today and he was able to look at it like "what's done is done, now what do I do." Ken mentioned that HIS actions led to this heart attack, so he should stop looking to place blame on everyone else and own up. Today he said, "They're taking everything from me" (meaning the doctors), and I told him "THEY didn't do anything to you but save your life." lol

carol
07-24-2012, 05:02 PM
Erin, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you too and yes, I'm in your corner! I am glad you took care of yourself and your daughter and went to your sister's for a while. Good luck.

aliciad
08-10-2012, 05:35 AM
Hey Erin,
I'm soooo sorry to hear about your boyfriend's heart attack!!! Makes me feel like such a terrible friend for not checking in on you lately. I honestly don't know what advice to give you except to say that i'm here for you. In box me when you have the time okay... Life keeps throwing us these curve balls doesn't it... Makes you wonder when it's ever going to stop. Love you and keep strong.

_Erin_
04-19-2013, 11:39 AM
Hi Morris! Thanks for your reply. His heart attack happened back in July, and things have calmed down quite a bit since then. He is still hard to live with, but wasn't the easiest to live with before all this. lol :) I did/do try to "take care of him," but the plan didn't work out all that well for a couple different reasons. First, even if I tried to give him just the facts on why he should try to eat healthier, he felt forced into it and would therefore reject any change. Secondly, "I'm not his mother" and don't need to try to take care of him. When those reasons finally wore off, it was simply that it's too hard to change. Consciously or unconsciously, he has slowly been slipping right back into his old eating habits. Occasionally I will mention how I don't understand why he can "feel it" when he eats something like a slice of ham, but doesn't feel the same when eating a frozen personal pizza or a Big Mac meal... both of which I'm sure are loaded with about three times the sodium. But it doesn't stop him, and I've stopped trying to press it.

But he is still not smoking. So that's good. :)