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How to stop drinking - Page 1015
  1. #20281

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    Loving the great conversations here! Way to perk things up Ken. It's good to think different concepts through and get it down here and ëqually good to read everyone's insight.

    I was getting ready for another road trip yesterday and started feeling really anxious about everything I had to do. The kids weren't being helpful and had a zillion things to do in a certain period of time. I have a treadmill at home since I don't feel comfortable leaving the kids by themselves yet. I looked at the clock and thought I may be able to squeeze in a 40 min run even though I may have to miss taking the kids to the library to get books for the trip. I knew I would feel much better if I could burn some energy. I did it and felt great. Much more calm and centered. It wasn't until afterwards that I realized that I forgot to think about drinking alcohol, my go to in this situation for so many years. And guess what? I got everything done that I wanted to and felt in a much more relaxed state. I also realized that I don't have to do half of this stuff. I still have 5 loads of clean laundry piled up on the couch, but it didn't have to be done right then.

    When I recounted I'm on day 42, but not positive. The day after Christmas eve was my first day sober. Maybe I accidentally counted Christmas eve. I'll count again before I post again.
    Last edited by camas; 02-04-2017 at 07:57 AM.

  2. #20282

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    Hi Patrick-too harsh? No way! I don't want to make mistakes with something as important as someone's sobriety.
    I appreciate you caring enough about this forum to make corrections as needed. Thanks for everything you do.

    Maybe comorbidity is better described as when a person goes to the doctor for a weight issue, the doctor might consider
    not only treating for obesity, but also looking for other issues that commonly are found when a person is overweight such
    as diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea, etc. So too an addict might be suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. that
    could be addressed at the same time?
    Last edited by Ken1; 02-04-2017 at 08:56 AM.
    Troubles are temporary. So is life. You get to decide which one you want to focus on

  3. #20283

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    I think there are mixed feelings on this. That's just based on what I've watched on TV shows and documentaries where some say the underlying issue needs to be addressed or like in that commercial for Passages Malibu where "we treat the underlying issue." I think there are a lot of people who turn to drugs and/or alcohol because of something bad that happened but obviously there are some where that wasn't the cause such as those who mentioned here not having anything bad happen. But and I'm trying to understand here, I think whatever the case, it's all just an excuse to drink. I had a bad childhood, lost a loved one, had a bad day, etc..that's why I drink. But it's also things like, I was in college, the thing to do, I got a promotion, etc... I never thought addiction was not a primary disease, I'm just trying to understand why and how I got here. But I'm the end, I guess there's no real or main reason, no ones fault, nothing's fault. Whatever happened was just the excuse I used whether I knew it or not. I think a lot of people spend time trying to figure this out. My own mother was devastated wondering what she did wrong to have 3 out of 4 kids become alcoholics. I'll just try to let that go I guess, the trying to figure it out. The point is, there is no reason to drink, it's bad for you, it kills, it destroys you, etc. There's just no excuse for it anymore.

  4. #20284
    Excellent discussion here. Couple more thoughts:

    1) I had a therapist once who had gone through a traumatic event in his childhood in which he was seriously abused. He had a massive resentment against his abuser. It kept him sick for a long time until he found recovery, got a sponsor, and that sponsor taught him how to forgive. Then he became a guru of forgiveness, and it was one of the primary things he taught in his therapy groups (how and why to forgive others, even when you don't want to. And why you should, etc.).

    2) In AA, everything tends to be defined in terms of alcoholism. Duh, right? When I was getting into recovery, alcoholism was definitely the one big problem in my life. But what I discovered is that some people have other issues, and sometimes those problems are just as big as addiction, sometimes worse. For example, the suicidal person in AA who eventually kills themselves. Should that person have sought mental health services? Most definitely. Is that the message you hear at AA meetings? Not necessarily--when you have a big hammer (AA program) everything looks like a nail. Eating disorder? Use the 12 steps! Dog died suddenly? Work the steps! Serious mental health problems? You guessed it....people in AA tend to have a strong belief in their program, and that it can cure/fix anything.

    3) Co morbidity - another idea in this area would be "incidentalism." You go to the doctor for a persistent cough, and they discover a tumor on your brain. Some of that might be happening when it comes to addiction, because you can cover up a whole lot of mental and physical health problems by getting drunk every day. You sober up and suddenly all of these issues start popping up--mental health, physical ailments, broken relationships, etc. They may not have caused the addiction, but they were a part of your addiction, and your drinking may have covered it up or even "treated" the condition. Now that you are sober you have to try to deal with it.

  5. #20285

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    Thank you Patrick. I think the longer I stay sober and do research, watch shows or even just being here on this great forum you've got going, the more I'm starting to understand or the clearer things just become. Today is month 7 for me!

  6. #20286

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    Steffi, month 7!! Woo hoo! I'm so happy for you.

  7. #20287

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    Steffi 7 months- incredible!
    What ever reason we drink- we need to forgive ourselves. I know we all personally feel the shame and guilt from past experiences that is part of the disease too. Some people can easily forgive and forget there past and others struggle. the more and more you get away from alcohol you can put it in perspective and realize you are not alone. we all make mistakes big and small and what matters is what you do today.

    Patrick great points. When we are sober we can deal with so much more and it does not seem as overwhelming.

    Day 28 for me!!
    xoxox

  8. #20288
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    Only have time for a quick post to shout out the successes....sure there are more...

    Camas - 42 days - woot woot!
    Steffi - 7 months - GO YOU!!
    Janny - 28 days - woot woot!!

    I don't have internet at my dad's and am so busy, hit or miss when I can get on here.
    Thinking of all of you and sending good metta!!

  9. #20289

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    Day 43. FYI, I will try to post but have a couple very long days ahead of me. Had a great sober weekend with my daughter. Also wonderful reading here and keeping in touch better this time around.

    Hope, I really hope you are just sick and haven't rebound. I know how difficult it is when you're feeling under the weather and it's so easy to reach for that drink because you feel like hell anyway. Kind of what Steffi said. I felt that way after I was getting better but no motivation or energy to do anything. Why not have a drink? Because that drink will keep coming even when you do have energy to look outside, see and feel life. And I didn't mean that I wished you sickness, just that sickness is probably better than a relapse.

    That's all for now.

  10. #20290

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    Please allow me again to apologize for jumping back into the forum here after such a long period of being a read only participant. SR was there for me at my rock bottom and became part of the foundation of my long term sobriety for which I will be forever grateful. I have to fight the urge to jump back in when I learn something new (to me) and start posting because I regard this forum as an old friend. I sometimes lose that fight and post anyway. Thanks for putting up with me!

    It is my most sincere wish that each of you attain your goal of sobriety. It is possible if you really apply yourself and I am praying for all of you to succeed. If you are struggling keep fighting, life is so much better sober. Best regards to everyone.
    Troubles are temporary. So is life. You get to decide which one you want to focus on

  11. #20291

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    Ken,

    Your recent posts and the conversation which ensued have been SO valuable. Please jump in amy time you want!!!

    Hugs,
    Carol

  12. #20292

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    Ken 1 we need your words of wisdom it is so great to hear peoples support who have been sober for a while!
    What a night in New England.

    day 29 for me and off to another great week.
    Hope please post we want to hear from you.
    Lets have another great week!!
    xoxox

  13. #20293

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    Hi everyone

    Wow - what great posts! and NO I did not start drinking again. I have been so sick that I haven't gotten out of bed for 4 days. I think my fever has finally broken and I can concentrate on reading again, so I am catching up this morning. I am so glad to see such insight here on the forum. I am processing all this and will add my two bits later on. Janny, Camas, Steffi - so proud of you - let's keep this going. I can't wait to be healthy so I can feel the rewards of no alcohol in my system. I can't even taste chocolate - so no point in eating it

  14. #20294

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    Sorry you've been sick Hope, that's how I was for a few days but I am relieved to hear you've stayed sober! The forum is going strong. It's so inspiring!

  15. #20295

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    Hey Ken, this place is here for all regarless of your stage in your journey, I think it's great you log on and throw a few ideas out there... it all prompts debate and gets conversations going, which has to be good.

    I've been lurgied this weekend.. urggghh.. stinking snotty hacking chesty snot filled face
    Getting into a good rhythm with exercise and tried to 'tread it out...' but within 60 seconds my chest was burning and I had to stop. Away with work too in hotel with pool and gym early nights and hopefully 100% again soon, can't wait

    Steffi, Janny, hope, camas... so proud of you all, good health to all soon as well.

    Carol - great to hear from you - you ok?

    Xx

  16. #20296

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    AF - I think I need a translator - what is lurgied? Sorry to hear you are sick too

    I've been processing the comments that began with Ken's insight -Ken thank you for triggering that discussion. It looks like it is a topic that has touched many of us. Patrick's response has really helped me because for the past 7 years or so, since I became a 'steady' drinker' it has been driving me crazy trying to figure out what makes me drink, instead of realizing that I just drink and need to stop. Other issues can be dealt with separately in another way that I will pursue - but it really is a load off my shoulders to separate the two - drinking and coping with trauma. In the back of my mind, I think I have been using my difficult childhood, dysfunctional parents, etc. as a drinking 'crutch' - but if I continue to use trauma as an excuse then every time life throws a wrench at me, then I am going to think that I have to drink to cope - and I don't.

    The wonderful thing about this forum is that we all came here for the same reason, but each of our journeys to sobriety is so different. There is something here for everyone and I am so grateful that everyone shares such honest stories about their struggles, failures, and successes. Stay strong everyone! We can beat this.

  17. #20297

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    Day 30!! Yay!

    On to my next 30 days and second month.

    Hope so glad to hear from you.

    Lots of mood changes for me I don't want to be a dry drunk.
    I think my moods are really up and down and need to just go with it for now right?

    You think its going to be all sweet and wonderful but really its work and that's OK.
    I do have a clearer mind depression is lifting and have hope-practicing gratitude. But it is all up and down too!

    But I'm staying the course.

    Best to all today xoxxoo

  18. #20298

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    Janny, Congrats on 30 days! For me, sobriety is not all pink clouds but the longer I'm sober the more my mood stabilizes. Working a program helps alot with this.

  19. #20299

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    Yes! Way to go Janny! I'm proud of you! Moods will be up and down as your mind becomes more clear and you adjust to dealing with every day life sober. Stay positive. I would always think about the bad stuff that happened while I was drunk and it made me feel awful and depressed or just how to get through the day without drinking thinking it was so bad I needed it as I was just that reliant on alcohol. Dont do that, those days are over. Think about your bright future. Life is so much better sober, your worst day will be way better than any day drinking and it really does get better as time goes on. The further I get away from my last day of drinking, the better I feel and the less I even consider alcohol as an option. I'm almost starting to not even recognize the person I was when I was drinking!

  20. #20300

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    janny congrats on 30 days! And to all you wonderful sober in 2017 folks. I've been reading every day and the love and support - and progress - are just great!!!

    Would everyone take a moment and read Erin's post on the drug abuse thread? She needs our love and support right now.

    I'm going back into the background again. Lots of serious illness in my family right now and I'm the hub. Luckily I've learned to take care of myself along with others. Reading here daily is part of my self care, so you're all helping without knowing.

    Have a good day and don't drink no matter what!!!

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