1. #21021

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    Apr 2013
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    Ironic spam... if by 'play'... you really mean 'be destroyed'...

  2. #21022

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    Boy do I struggle with depression when I stop drinking- I keep thinking of getting on an antidepressant - don't want to trade one for the other.will keep staying the course.

  3. #21023

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    Aug 2011
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    Down to 2 wines after work like the doctor said. It's been crazy busy and such a relief not going to work with a hangover after drinking all night. Down to zero soon (fingers crossed). Janny how are you getting by with your depression? Still off the booze? Good luck to everyone.

  4. #21024

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    Hey Peter, well done... do you feel better for it?
    Do you find yourself craving the third glass? Or has doctor's comments done enough to keep you on the straight and narrow?

    I read a comment in Women's Health mag about asking yourself a single question that could change your life.. the question was... 'where are you your best person?'

    I was a bit disappointed about this, I like where I live. But it doesn't take much to adapt the question slightly so it does apply to all of us on here... that is 'WHEN are you your best person, the best you? The you that makes you the happiest?'
    For this it is so clear that this simply means for me, when I am sober, exercising and eating clean.
    Put like that, why would I ever consider any other way? It impacts me in so many ways.. from physical to mental, work, stress levels, self-esteem... the list goes on.

    Just done 10k, poached eggs cooking with avo tomatoes and spinach, then some gardening and reading... followed by a long bath later. I love Sundays to myself. Time to think about what matters

    Xx

  5. #21025

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    Mar 2013
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    I just had to stop by to say hi. It's been awhile. I got tired of doing the yo yo sober and never really feeling like things were sticking long term. I was drinking every day again. Still managing to not make a complete idiot of myself which some crazy part of me felt that meant that I wasn't so bad. My real self knows I want it gone once and for all but there's that voice, denial voice, alcoholic voice, co dependency voice or whatever you call it that keeps coming back. I really didn't feel like AA was a great option because of so many people I know in the community, my career and the high likelihood I'd run into someone I know and likely a client, patient etc. I've sought out counseling a couple times before which, after being on this forum off and on for so many years, the counselor just seemed like everything I've been hearing for years and nothing new. I now have a wellness coach who specializes in not only healthy living but overcoming addictions. It's different than counseling because she's there as a listener and motivator, and guide. It was so comforting when I first saw her for her to tell me not to worry about not drinking, just think about why you want to stop drinking. Next session when I said I'm ready to stop she made sure I wasn't telling myself I couldn't drink but that I don't drink because I want to fix a great dinner for my kids, go for a run, feel present etc etc etc. It's difficult to explain how different it is to me, but it is. For example, I was at work today and had that voice "wouldn't a drink after work be great"? I paused and thought what else would be great is picking up my daughter and fixing a yummy dinner together and having some girl time while the boys were out and that's what I choose to do. It's all about instead of feeling like we're depriving ourselves of something, what are we gaining. It's thinking about it in daily, weekly terms but also in moment to moment. I had a horrible day yesterday, every excuse in the world to drink. After the kids were in bed I went to a private area where I do meditation and just cried for awhile and talked to myself. My first thoughts were "screw this, if I can't seem to make anyone happy or do anything right I might as well drink anyway". Then I told myself it didn't matter what anyone else thinks or does, I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK! It probably doesn't sound much different than what I've already done, but it feels different having a well being motivational coach that is letting me be the guide and she's there to assist only. It feels so empowering. It forces me to really do this because I want to. I don't even say I need to for my health anymore, but I want to because I want to lead a healthy life. Janny, Hope, I wrote this for you guys to see if something like this might help you also. I see her every 9-10 days so far. I'll continue seeing her until I'm at least 6 months sober and likely will keep on every couple of months. She works with me on making daily goals also which are different every day. I'm not sure that anyone else would work for me in this role, but I really connected with her. Just keep searching for new ways that will work.

    Peterpinot- glad you seem to be doing well so far. Sometimes health issues are what it takes to get us to stop. I had health issues also but eventually went back to it. Make sure to have a long term plan. I never did and that's why I'm trying things a bit different this time. However, some people can stop and never look back. I'm just not one of those people.

    I'll try to check in once in awhile but I won't be here on a regular basis most likely. I have my own plan now that entails a lot of journaling, meditation and daily goal setting. I had a spare moment and really wanted to check in. I'll give you an update once in awhile though. Wishing you all the best!

  6. #21026

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    Mar 2013
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    camas:
    I hate to sound harsh, but IMO there is a part of me that cares about you and your sobriety enough to tell it straight, so that maybe you can grow from it...
    Yes, this will not be pleasant but in my own experience I've come to appreciate people who've cared enough about me to be straight with me.
    Those people you know, in your community, that you're concerned about bumping into at an AA meeting? Those people you're concerned about your reputation with? Chances are your reputation with those people is that of "town drunk".
    You may think you've been hiding it splendidly, but in my own experience people I thought I was fooling knew it long before I was willing to admit it.
    There is no such thing as a "functioning alcoholic". If you're truly an alcoholic you are not functioning, on any level, realistically speaking.
    Let's say you go to an AA meeting and see someone you know. What do you say to each other?
    "Hey! I didn't know you were one of us! Cool. Glad to see you're working on getting better." <- this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me at an AA meeting.
    Any judgment you think you're going to get may just be a tiny - or large - amount of projection on your own part.
    The coach you've got now - which is great for you, everyone has to find something that works - sounds an awful lot like my AA sponsor. Who I don't pay $120/hour to help me.
    FWIW, I went to a counselor, paid lots of money. In the end, it was me who had to get it, and it happened with, yes, some seeds my counselor had planted. But IMO it came mostly from me. My questioning what I was doing, how I was living, and how all that was working out for me.

    Again, sorry if this comes across as harsh, but the people I've come to appreciate the most in my sobriety are the people who cared about me enough to tell me what they really think, even if it hurts to hear it.
    F$%^ You, Mickey's

  7. #21027

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    Hey Camas-good for you whatever works is perfect.so happy for you and keep us posted.

  8. #21028
    Chad's Avatar
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    It�s always been my feeling that you get all the help you can but in the end only YOU can make this work.. I think in the beginning the realization of the mess our lives have become can be too much to take at once so having some one(life coach-AA sponsor) take the brunt, and schedule our lives and help us come to terms is a good thing.. But, if in the end we are just deflecting to someone else and not taking responsibility, we need to heed FYM�s advice..
    Never been to AA but always wonder why people are embarrassed to run into someone they know? Isn�t that person in the same boat? Are you judging them? Maybe it�s a you thing? I don�t know just sayin??

    Thanks to all still posting and reading..
    Much Love


    Chad
    Last edited by Chad; 09-28-2017 at 12:25 PM.
    Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome

  9. #21029
    Chad's Avatar
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    I’m seeing an upside ? 1/2 for every apostrophe I used in my post.. Too bad this place is in such shambles.. :-(

    Chad
    Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome

  10. #21030

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    Too much running Chad... I see apostrophes ...

  11. #21031

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    Mar 2013
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    Chad, I'm trying to edit the weirdness as in symbols out of your posts and getting spinners. Which sucks. Thanks for your contribution, I can smell what The Rock is cookin' but I can't fix it so others can smell it too. Maybe tomorrow.
    F$%^ You, Mickey's

  12. #21032

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    Day 3 for me!!

  13. #21033

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    Way to go Janny! The more you try, the easier it gets. IMHO it's math. The balance of sober days begins to outweigh the number of using days. So just by keeping on trying you are adding sober days.
    F$%^ You, Mickey's

  14. #21034

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    Mar 2013
    Location
    Minnesota, USA
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    A little trip down memory lane...

    The first 3 years of my life were spent on my dad's farm. My grandpa emigrated to the US from Switzerland in 1913, bought a farm after dissolving a dairy business with his brother, and when it was time to move on in the 1960's split the farm 50/50 into two homesteads between his youngest son (my dad) and his oldest son. When I was 3 my dad sold the farm and moved to the city, and my dad bought 4.5 acres from my uncle as camping land and I suppose to have some connection to his roots. Early on we tent camped under a big oak tree; later my dad built a 20-foot by 20-foot tin shack out in the woods. It wasn't anything special - a narrow foot trail through the woods to get to it, a rock and mud foundation, barrel stove, and a pit outside to use as a toilet. One year we stayed there on New Year's Eve and got snowed in by a blizzard. It took my dad 2 days to shovel the quarter-mile road out to the plowed county road so we could get back home. I remember him making a small fire under the car's engine block to warm the oil enough so that the car would turn over and start.

    Several years after my dad sold the land back to my uncle and passed away - this would be in my mid-20's - I went out to the land, now as a trespasser, to look around. I found the old shack site; all the trees in that area were smaller and I dang near twisted my ankle stumbling into the poop pit. I stood there looking around, searching for some overwhelming feeling of loss over my dad, the way things used to be, and things that used to be there that were no more. It didn't come; it was just woods where something used to be and memories of someone long since dead. I went back out of the woods to the old abandoned railroad track and walked to where I could see the old farm and the house I used to live in, still looking for that feeling. Nothing.

    A decade went by and my uncle's place was sold after he and my aunt passed away. I went out to see it for old time's sake. His cow barn, chicken coop, and immaculate crop area with flowers at the edge nearest the house that spelled out "welcome", where my aunt and uncle tended by hand enough vegetables to sustain them for an entire year, had been razed to make way for a multi-thousand square foot McMansion. The old gravel drive my dad shoveled out after the blizzard in the 1980's had been paved with asphalt. The house I lived in had been gutted by fire and a new McMansion stood proudly as a monument to its owner a few hundred feet away. I saw all this from the old railroad track that had been paved over and re-purposed as a recreational trail. When my dad was a kid he used to go up to those tracks in the still, hot, days of summer and stand close to passing trains just to catch a whiff of relief from the breeze of the trains as they went by.

    Several years later I took my girls out to see the old place. We parked at the turnaround at the end of that road my dad had shoveled out and walked up the paved recreational trail, and I did my best to paint them a picture of how things used to be. How my dad, his brothers and sisters, used to hunt that land for food and grow everything they needed. How there used to be a big barn on my dad's old property and sheep roaming around an open pasture, with pigs and chickens running around. My girls had a hard time getting it. We tried to go back there a couple years ago but the old roads were all gone and a widened highway filled the space where there used to be a county road that met the end of that old gravel road that led to my dad and uncle's place. The nearest place to park was almost a mile away. I haven't been back since.

    In a similar way, I stopped driving by the house in the city that I spent my years from 4 to 18 years old. That old neighborhood has become dangerous and I hope my daughters never have to live in a place like that.

    Over time, things change and as much as I would love to hold onto them, I realize that there is a time to acknowledge that things have changed to the point where there is no practical purpose in reconstructing the past for the past's sake.

    This forum has been feeling like that for a while with me. It's like a thing inside of me that wants to keep seeing the past as I remember it, even though I see the present. I remember signing up just so I could offer condolences to John for his mother's passing away. I remember posting something like, "Just call me Kip" because I kept failing. Most of all I remember multiple posts a day here with no spam.

    Things have gotten to the point with this forum where it feels like a "Last one out, turn off the lights" kind of thing. I'm here until the end, even if it means clearing pages of spam a day. But I still feel coming in here like I did those multiple times where I looked out on a vista that used to be, and I can see it so clearly in my mind, like it's still in the present, but it cannot come alive just because of my memories, but if I could will it to be it would be so vibrant and alive.
    F$%^ You, Mickey's

  15. #21035

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    Jul 2012
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    What a great story and really fond memories to share how people used to live off their own land and farm living which is slowly becoming a thing of the past.funny how you talk of this place - no one was posting so I started reading people's posts from - 2011. You're right lots of action- maybe not much here because so many other sites available. None quite the same as this - this one is so simple to be a part of.i guess all good things come to an end as they say... it won't stop
    Me from keeping trying...

  16. #21036
    Chad's Avatar
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    Jan 2013
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    FYM, beautiful post brother..:-)

    Janny keep on keepin on!!

    Love to all

    It can be done
    It can be done

    Chad
    Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome

  17. #21037

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    Jun 2013
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    Celebrating my 5 year sober anniversary today. Yes it is sad to see this site die. I haven't logged in for quite a while. To see a message that the "login is not secure" I am sure would deter any scared lonely alcoholic (as I was) looking for help. For whatever reason SR decided to abandon the site. First there was the change in software that plummeted google search rankings...fewer new quitters came. Then as icing on the cake SR left the site open to random hackers and spammers. (I have to think this site is used as one of the first excercise in an online how to hack course). Good to see you Bye Mickeys..and thanks for the condolences. I was John and so grateful not to have to always have a bottle with me during my mom's final days. And so long Chad.

  18. #21038

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    Apr 2013
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    FYM... lovely story...
    Jim, Chad, Janny - hey!!

    Saw this in the Guardian re sober October and had to share...

    'You could take every supplement, every mindfulness workshop, and it wouldn't amount to a hill of beans next to giving up drinking. giving up sugar might put a fillip in your afternoon slump; giving up booze makes you feel like the Hulk. BUt it is like taking a sabbatical in a quieter, more reserved personality. I am Introverted Hulk.'

    Ha ha.. so true... but it becomes the norm..

    Xx

  19. #21039

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    Aug 2011
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    90
    Goodbye Forum. Sorry to see you go. You helped and gave hope to many.

  20. #21040

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    Jul 2012
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    I'm not saying goodbye yet- day 7 for me! I get that Expression"tired of drinking" not working for me anymore.
    I agree AF- giving up drinking is the best thing youcandofor your body and mind. I firmly believe if you drink and suffer from depression anxiety weight gain, insomnia, high blood pressure,high cholesterol ... nothing can help until you stop drinking.
    I'm taking one day st a time Go me!!

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