Warning: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in ..../includes/class_bootstrap.php(430) : eval()'d code on line 111
How to stop drinking - Page 1063
  1. #21241

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    368
    Janny, my thoughts are with you so much.

    You know the drill girl, get back on that horse and lets not make a blip into a full relapse with back to old behaviors. There but for the grace of God go many of us and we are all here to support you. You can totally still do this and in weeks to come you will be able to still have months under your belt other than one lapse. Get rid of any self loathing you have about it and like you say learn from it and take from it what you need, if this shit was easy none of us would be here, none of us learn from the easy stuff, it is the gritty times that teaches us the most.

  2. #21242

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    Millie and Julian- thanks for the support and I'm carrying on this will make me stronger - no one to blame but me- do have a bit of anger towards SO- he should be supporting me too but he is sick and that scares me- he feels he is invisible. I will make a stronger plan- not going back there or else I will collapse!!
    I appreciate you being on my side and understanding but I am mad- I'm so tired of this and not being better to myself- I feel I've poisoned my body and brain- will need some time to repair. Xoxo

  3. #21243

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    368
    Old timer, thank you for your post, almost every point you made is something that has gone through my head.

    I have noticed that week days are better, I have a routine, bed earlier and things to focus on. Week ends are harder, and I am sure that this is true for many so I am going to just have to man up and get on with it. So it is 51 days today, my morning coffee and my evening hot chocolate are my favorite times of the day.

    Everyone have a good Tuesday, Janny, Millie and everyone else x

  4. #21244
    When you want to stop drinking alcohol first of all you have to share this success with your family and friends so that they know why are you cutting down alcohol in parties or trips.They will also encourage you for do that.

  5. #21245

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,257
    Today is day 28
    4 weeks
    It feels good to get some time under my belt.

    Today I planned a summer cruise with my mother and found my thoughts turning to the free flowing wine and cocktails on the boat and what I was going to do. It is funny how our mind works. I was immediately thinking about how I would not be getting my money’s worth if I was not taking advantage of the included alcohol. I have had those same thoughts when i went to an all inclusive resort while I was not drinking. This weekend I am going to a dance with an open bar and the same thoughts crossed my mind.

    But then I reminded myself of how generally those types of events/vacations are disasters for me. I tend to overindulge in an open bar situations. Instead of worrying about the dance, I am now looking forward to experiencing it totally sober. I will not have to worry about what I say or do. I will be able to remember and enjoy all my conversations. I will have better coordination when I try to dance. I will be able to get safely home as designated driver. And, at the end of the evening when I am able to witness the actions of those that overindulged, I will be happy happy happy I am am not one of them and happy that I will wake up Sunday feeling great!!

    Janny, I hope you are staying strong. Try and forgive your SO and let it go. This ultimately has to be your journey. We have to find the tools to help us get to the right mindset....where we just don’t want to drink, period....where we would rather pull out our toenails than drink that poison again. Willpower alone won’t work. We all know it is easier to avoid something you have no desire to have. It is way harder to want something and try to talk yourself out it through pure willpower alone. That is exhausting. I have that problem ever time I go on a diet. Lol

    The blogs and books help. There is another site I learned about that supports idea that we can all just quit, without the rock bottom, without the disease labels.

    This one is called hip sobriety.com.

    Have a great day everyone.
    .

  6. #21246

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    Millie good
    for you-
    I know I need to let it gooooo-
    It just makes it that much tougher.
    But so worth it I love being sober and strong and grounded, authentic, motivated, healthy, ambitious, clear headed,smart, grateful, reliable-need I say more!

    I'm looking into the books-Jason Vales book helped me quite a bit-Naked Mind and Unexpected Joy of being sober-
    Will take with me what got me to 100 days and need to figure what happened that made me drink and what I can do differently.

    I remember the moment I changed and succumbed-part of it was pleasing my husband????WTF???UGH.
    Which lead me to half heartedly enjoy the event we were at-spent a lot of time tired and drinking, tired and drinking-did not even do my usual exercise routine!!!
    I keep on changing my routine to fit others agenda instead of being selfish and making me a priority.
    I am not letting this get me down and will grow bigger muscles and practice self care again.
    xoxo
    thanks for your support
    Jillian you are strong and doing so well I'm following you now-looking forward to feeling better this week.
    will try hipsobriety-love the name:0

  7. #21247

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,100
    Janny - no feeling sorry about it, just learn and move forward... it helps...
    SO Is just a trigger... he enables an excuse inside you and so when youre on holidays etc and other excuses line up, its showtime! Thats when youre at your most vulnerable - same here. Just Learn where your triggers are and be particularly cautious when away/ holiday or when you have a number of triggers coming at you at once... plan for it, ensure you can keeping your routine to avoid temptations etc
    Im working in London most weeks now.. its tiresome and thats still a trigger for me. Hotels and long hours...
    dont dwell on it too much? And defo dont allow yourself to feel a failure... all our journeys are individual and teach us things about ourselves. Beating yourself up will only lead to justifying another lapse...
    It wasnt all that? Made you feel pants... move on.
    Hey Tim, Millie, Chad, Jillian -good to catch up on posts ...
    Stay strong all...

    Xx

  8. #21248

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    AF I was hoping I would here from you- thanks for your words- I do believe it's a lesson learned- no way am I going back - I can't!!!it felt way to good to be free of the alcohol.
    SO and holiday =trigger.lesson learned and know I need to immediately pack my toolbox- never be hungry,have alternatives for drinks to name a few things.
    I'm busy next 5 days with work - I will feel fabulous on my next day off.
    Xo

  9. #21249

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    Day 2 -still can't believe I caved this past week-I went away on a vacation and it was supposed to be about staying healthy and strong and getting good sleep. Instead I'm still recovering from an unhealthy week of drinking and half heartedly enjoying the event we went to. But I'm leaving that behind and learning how important sobriety is for me-I will not jeopardize that again. It feels way too good to be sober, clear headed and building a strong sense of self. Picking my head up-pulling my hair back and going to look at everyone in the eyes again-
    so glad you are all here.
    xo

  10. #21250

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,257
    Af, I am happy to see your post! And Old Timer. Ive just figured out who you are!! Over two years??? That is fantastic. I am so happy for you.

    Janny, you sound good. I was listening to some of This Naked Mind podcasts, and Annie mentioned how the road we are on is not always straight. She reminds us not to beat ourselves over every slip, but to continue moving forward and learn from our mistakes, just like AF said. A lot of her guests mention that they had to take advantage of a lot of tools!! Books, podcasts, yoga, meditation, etc...

    I glad all of y'all, my old friends from years ago, are still here and posting and sharing what works, what doesnt, and what the challenges are. Your honesty, your desire to have a soberfree life, and your support makes me happy.
    Last edited by Millie; 02-21-2018 at 08:43 PM.

  11. #21251

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    Millie so true ups and downs but I hate what I did to my body-I still feel the remnants of last week- alcohol is such a toxin and I am weak from it even feel flu like???
    When you are away from it for a while and think you can go back to the way you were drinking(consumption)it is devastatingly sickening.
    Trying to gain strength-I'm tired and need a lot of self care.
    But I'm staying on track-have no desire to drink.

    Jullian I hope each day you are getting stronger-we need you.
    AF how is your running going and what new things are you up to? Do you keep challenging yourself?

    Have a great day all-lets make 2018 a great year!

  12. #21252

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    368
    Hi everyone,

    Janny good for you for getting back on it, you can move on away from it day by day. Some triggers today and a drink did pass my mind, but the shit will still be there after I drink, any type of reprieve I would get from drinking will just move on to guilt, shame and feeling physically dreadful.

    Millie you are sounding strong and in a good place. Hi average and old timer, Peter you still reading?

    Thursday evening, getting ready to take the dogs out for a run - have a good one everyone x

  13. #21253

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    Before I know it it is day4- feeling good again. Not discouraged -getting stronger.
    Jillian good for you- so glad you stuck with the plan to feed your body good things and self care -no alcohol no more!!Running with your dogs what a sight-I love to see people outside running with their dogs-I swear I can see the dogs smiling!!
    Millie you sound wonderful-we have a weekend coming up-I am busy with work no room for alcohol ever again.
    AF how is your running going?
    Peter and Old Timer hope you are well.

    For those struggling-try something new-if exercise helps-change what you do -try yoga for 30 days or swimming for 30 days instead of your usual routine.
    Try some new drinks-snacks-maybe journal your day to track the triggers.

    Point being if its not working for you or if you feel weak-try something new to get stronger and further away from the self destructive lifestyle.
    My slip last week stemmed from not being prepared for what was ahead of me-I should have had the right tools-call ahead for my exercise place-many snacks with me and never allow to be hungry...
    xoxo

  14. #21254

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,257
    Hey all,
    Every one sounds great and strong and ready to face the weekend. Today is day 31. I cannot believe it. Our lives are racing by so quickly.

    I have been enjoying all the new resources online now. It seems the world has shifted for the better since I joined this forum in 2011. There is a real movement toward a culture change around alcohol and it is inspiring. Sober is the new cool. My 13 year old daughter has even noticed it. Articles are being written about how millenials are drinking less. They are not buying the old culture of always drinking to excess is normal or cool. They want to remember their nights, their conversations, their moments. They feel no need to apologize for not drinking or feeling that not accepting a drink somehow means you have a problem. I love it.

    As I get older and older, I am amazed at how much I can learn from the young folks coming up behind me. I am hopeful that my childrens journey will be different. I hope they will not feel the same pressure to drink at every occasion as an adult. When you think about it, why did we, as a society get to the point where drinking is the norm and choosing not to drink, not to drink a poisonous, harmful, addictive substance mind you, is NOT normal, and that if you choose to not drink, you somehow have a problem or worse an incurable disease. Frankly, that truly is just ridiculous.

    Even stranger is that we only do this with the drug alcohol. Nothing else. If you quit smoking cigarettes or pot, or doing illegal drugs, or even quit taking a prescription drug, or cut out a particular food or food group, no one suggests that it must be because you are suffering from an incurable disease. No one says, wow, you no longer put X in your system, this must mean that you are weak, abnormal, suffering from an incurable disease. Why do we say this about folks that choose to abstain from alcohol? Why do we, as a culture, suggest folks have to hit rock bottom, before quitting, and quitting means we are diseased.

    This mindset seems to be shifting... a sober movement is afoot. Sober bars, sober events are starting to pop up around the world. This is an exciting time to be joining this movement and hopping aboard. I am excited and motivated. I am pissed that I had to wait until my 50s to get here, but better late than never!

    Another cool site I found is joinclubsoda.uk

    I love you guys. We got this. Soldier on!
    Last edited by Millie; 02-23-2018 at 11:10 AM. Reason: Typos

  15. #21255

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,100
    Ah everyone is so positive - love it
    Millie - it is mad isn’t it? conspiracy beteeen society not being able to afford healthcare if everyone sobered up, but also taxes made by the wonderful government.
    And the stinking stuff being addictive

    I’m good thanks Janny... I am still trotting along on my treadmill... never outside in the world full of inclines... and hazards .. heh. Just signed up for a ten K in May before venturing off for a week in Santorini. Can’t wait no running there as it’s all up a hill... I intend to live in the outdoor jacuzzi and take a few books. I only have a goal of ten k within the hour so not too stretching but enough to keep me fit

    Anyone else got any holidays planned? Goals for the year.... In seriousness I ought to investigate whether there is a treadmill anywhere ... in Greece

    Such a stressful week, can’t wait to not have an alarm in the morning and a lovely sober sleep... good pretend run on the treadmill in the morning

    Xx

  16. #21256

    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    35
    It's 4am, so I'm awake because I'm a bit stressed in real life (money and work and worrying about things like what's up with my head? Why do I feel so low at times?) Anyway, 4 am brought me here as I've read the rest of the Internet.

    Janny, the slip up is in the past. Learn from it and move on. I slipped up after 18 months sober. I thought I could now magically moderate and learnt that after a while I was my usual self. I learned from it though. I'm sure you will too. Concentrate on today and not that holiday.

    Like Millie, I had a partner who drank. She was supportive at first, but after a while comments about me being boring and how we never do anything fun anymore started and how one or two wouldn't hurt. I got the same from my dad as his drinking buddy was gone and he'd forgotten the mess I was in.

    With my partner, like Millie, I realised when I was sober that her and I had little in common. The stuff she did drunk wasn't funny anymore and going to the pub was bloody boring. Her drunk friends stumbling about the house weren't fun either. Drink had kept us together too long. Sobriety helped me remember who the hell I was and what the hell I wanted. It was tough, but I left her. She wanted a drinking partner, not me.

    My wife hardly drinks (a glass a month maybe) and I'm happy with that. She's really caring and loving and puts up with me. I don't look back to my previous relationship at all.. Aside from with regret that drink took me until it in the first place and kept me in it longer than I should.

    I'm off on holiday this year. I've got a new cross trainer that as soon as it's fixed I'll be using to get my aged body into a state where I might not be too appalled at the thought of going into a pool. It's something to aim for. Bit vain at my age, but what the hell.

    Glad to see you on the way to sobriety Millie. It gets easier. But don't let your guard down. I did good at work this week and my boss's boss rang me to thank me for getting them out of a hole again and said he wanted to buy me a drink, but "am I still doing that no drinking thing". I said "yep, I'm afraid I've quit for life. I've had more than enough hangovers for this lifetime and I'm done with it". I joked that he could feel free to tempt me though, as I'm not getting sanctimonious about this. I never would start again and people at work know that and I'm proud of it (though I don't go on about it and I don't have a go at them about their habits). I see them suffering "the morning after" and it's clear as hell. I see the ones who drink at lunch and then prop up a desk waiting for home time. I couldn't do that anymore, it would kill me.

    Anyway, I better try and get some sleep. I'm tired, but my mind is worrying away. Sooner the cross trainer is fixed the better. I've a weeks leave coming up too which will help. Just too much stress and not enough downtime. Still, I'm sober and the fire is still glowing in the hearth and the night is still and quiet. Life could be a lot worse.

  17. #21257

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    368
    Hi everyone

    Millie, you are now in month 2, that has flew by. I have a 13 year old also and he is really pleased for me that I am getting healthy and not drunk all the time. I told him that this year was the year for getting healthy hence why I am not drinking, I do not think he has missed me being drunk one bit.

    As for Goals for the year AF, training for a half marathon and some other runs planned. We have holidays booked and looking at doing more as a family. I have no doubt whatsoever that none of this would be happening if I was drinking.

    today is day 56, saving money and skin and eyes looking better each day. Still an internal fight at times, I need to acknowledge this so I am ready for when it happens.

    Just finished a 10k run so going to cook something nice for tea. Have a good Saturday everyone x

  18. #21258

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    jillian that is awesome -heading toward that big hundred!!
    Millie you too.
    I'm right behind you -almost a week for me and feel I just feel I fell off the saddle and back on...
    will talk more later.

  19. #21259

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    992
    Sooo

    I just wanted to voice how I'm feeling and maybe help others.

    I had a great length of sobriety-over 100 days then I drank 5 days in a row over a little vacation-came home and drank one more day before being sober again for now today is day 6.
    I have to say I don't have the same strength I had and feel vulnerable-I know this is common when you relapse after a period of sobriety- I read about that a lot.
    My SO is doing his own thing again so I really cant rely upon him -I am on my own....

    So I ask how can I gain that strength again and I feel like I am in limbo. See I don't have a choice to go back to drinking because I don't like it and I feel stuck.
    I have another period of time off coming up and need to fill it with good sober tools.
    I know eating well and resting will help.

    Looking back as to why I drank and feel I was staying sober- exercising eating working -all good- but no real growth or change or renewal.

    Im beginning to think-am I depressed? do I need medication?
    This all may be more than what I can really share here but I do have this lack of motivation -underlying feeling.

    Any suggestions all.
    Old Timer glad to hear you are well-Your thought about your xpartner scares me a bit because sometimes I feel that's all I have with my SO. But know that cant be real because we built a beautiful family and we are going thru mid life.

    xo

  20. #21260

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,100
    Hey Janny, dont be spooked by others stories, only you know your position and your relationship.
    I went through a tough time when I started this journey with my partner, he didnt support me - didnt understand it... he still doesnt massively support me, but difference is he does accept it now? It makes a difference. You two can both make it through this if you love each other... try not to worry about it - focus on not drinking - only that - dont waste time on the what ifs right now, just focus on one day at a time at the moment as thats what makes you happier - being sober

    Jillian - go you - half marathon indeed? Not great north run? That looks like an amazing race.

    Tim - hope you slept some more

    X

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Log in

Log in