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How to stop drinking - Page 1064
  1. #21261

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    Janny when you woke up after you binge you would have given anything to be 6 days sober again. Well you are, and you are going strong. You know what alcohol does to you so stay strong and keep racking the days up. If you have some time off coming up fill it with things that nourish you look after yourself. Earlier this year I had time off and used it each day to do things I wanted and look after myself, lots of walks, watching TV and napping - I believe that they may have been your words actually.
    Previously when I drank after being sober I would think `thats it, no more sober tools left, I cant give up again` - this sabotaged me so much. I would never reach out, you are and that will make a massive difference.
    My other half has very different drinking habits to me, so when I am not drinking I am lucky in that his behaviors do not trigger a high level of temptation - plus he started to realize how the drinking was having an affect on me so is happy that I have given up - We have been together 22 years and last year I remember having a conversation with him and he said that the only thing he would change about me is my drinking as he was worried about me and where it was taking me - I was gutted to hear this and it has stayed in my mind - I am sure other people will have had opinions on my drinking also but never voiced them. .

    Not the great north run average - we doing one in the Peak district. Enjoying the training so far and it is really helping with my sleep and losing a bit of weight. I am telling people it is the main reason as to why I am not drinking however a few people who are close to me are starting to suss the whole not drinking thing. Went out last week, a birthday bash and I only lasted 1 hour and left, I could tell it was going to be a really boozy one and felt out of place - was thankful when I returned home. Didn't resent the time that I was there but understood that certain things are going to have to change and that is totally fine.

    Stress, fear and anger are big triggers for me, trying to remind myself that millions of people feel these feelings and do not drink xx

  2. #21262

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    Janny, Millie how are you both doing.

    Lots and lots of snow here, with a bit of luck may get snowed in so no work or school tomorrow - yeah xx

  3. #21263

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    Good morning all! It 8:20 here on the east coast. It has been five weeks. Today is the first day of my 6th.

    Janny, have you read This Naked Mind yet? It really really really has helped me get rid of the desire to drink. I have a house full of alcohol and an open bottle of wine in frig (a friend came over and opened it) and I have not been tempted at all. I truly think the book, and the authors related podcasts and others like hip sobriety.com are helping. I know I am a broken record about this, but would like you to read it so we can talk about it. Stay strong!!

    I went to my first real test on Saturday. An open bar formal dance. I drank soda with cranberry the whole night and was fine. I was thrilled to be sober when I got home, and even more thrilled to be sober when I woke up on Sunday. I had a full busy day on Sunday and usually would have been spending the day with regrets and recovering.

    I am trying to make sure my mindset is that I am a non drinker. It is not that I canít drink; it is that I choose not to. The older I became, the less and less I was enjoying drinking and the more and more I was worried about it. That is just madness. Why bother with something I really Was not enjoying as much as I thought I did, and was causing me needless worry, pain, and regret. I would detach myself from any other friendĚ or activity that was so troublesome. Janny, it seems like I was just at day six. Time flies. Take it day by day and stay strong.

    Perhaps, I am in the middle of the pink cloud, but I am happy and enjoying it.


    I did have a few moments after hitting day 31, where the urge to celebrate the milestone with a drink crossed my mind. Jillian, I remember you describing the same thing after you hit day 31, so I just laughed and pushed it out of my mind.

    Have a great day everyone. Tim I hope you are feeling and sleeping better!!
    Last edited by Millie; 02-28-2018 at 06:42 AM.

  4. #21264

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    Jillian, I have a 13 year old, too. I think we are stopping in time to be a good influence on our newly minted teenagers. They know the before and now get to see our better selves. I think my daughter hitting this age was a bigger motivator for me to quit and get back on this site!!!
    Last edited by Millie; 02-28-2018 at 06:48 AM.

  5. #21265

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    Millie, I have the book `the Naked Mind`, just got delivered today, nearly finished the Alan Carr one, `how to give up drink the easy way`. It is OK but I have enjoyed and got more from others. Will finish it and start on the Naked Mind and let you know.

    I always had in my head that I would have to give up drink when my son hit a certain age, I know that it is far from a done deal and I still have mountains to go but the thought of him growing up as a teenager with a drunk mam was to awful to bear - It happened to me and not that I am wallowing in that - I did not want it for my son.

    tried to go running tonight but the snow and wind is brutal, come back in after only 30 mins and cant feel my legs. May have to eat my body weight in chocolate and cheese instead.

    60 days tomorrow xx

  6. #21266

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    Hiya.

    As AF said, what happened to me with my relationship doesn't have to happen to you. They're more than one way to quit and I had other reasons to leave that relationship.

    Been a rare day off work today due to the snow and as it was also a planned celebration, it was an unexpected bonus. Kids loved the day off. Had some seriously heavy snow. It was lovely seeing everything so pristine and if course seeing it all sober which i just take for granted these days, but have got to remind myself what a relief it is to be free from that chain.

    I've not read the naked mind. I've read the Carr book which helped a lot. I think try anything and everything until it sticks. As for kids, that was another reason I quit. I don't want them growing up thinking it's normal and getting a habit. I wasted too much of my life with this, i don't want to encourage others to waste theirs. Thankfully the younger generation seem to be better informed than I was.

    I'm not sleeping all that well all that well still. Its just stress.. Just. I'm aware of it and working on it. I'll be okay i think.

    Glad you three are still fighting and doing well. Two years and thirteen days here. Just started exercising as I want to look reasonable for my holiday in August and not have a dad bod.

    Too tired to say anything else and I'm sorry about that. Just wanted to say i wish you well. It really and truly is a better life sober. I feel proud of myself.

  7. #21267

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    Morning everyone

    officially into my third month. Found myself thinking about booze last night but was able to shut it down without too much internal stress. I think I was slipping into some negative thinking and beating myself up that after 2 months I hadn't changed enough as a person and was comparing myself a lot to others - I know bad idea. So here are the positives of 61 days without a drink

    I have saved £400
    My sleep is better - still have the odd night where I wake or cant get over but it is 99% better
    Less anxiety when I wake up
    My eyes are starting to get whiter again
    the pain in my side has gone, would wake up with it on a morning but haven't felt it for ages
    My skin is better, lost the saggy, bloat look in my face
    I have lost 1 stone
    I have signed up for half a marathon and have been running every other day
    I am far less irritable and when I am becoming irritable I notice it so I can do something about it.
    My negative thoughts are much less, I dont have that internal dialogue of negativity or judging others as much as I used to. I am less critical - still there though so this I need to work on.
    I have dealt with stress and upset and my world hasn't ended, it has been uncomfortable, even brutal but it was OK.
    The house is cleaner - now when I say this believe me that housework will never be on my list of priorities -

    I wanted to write it down so that I could see what I had achieved so for, rather than get caught up in my inner critical voice. I also needed to be realistic, being sober is a work in progress and each day is a building block towards the rest of my life, there will be no sudden change of life or sudden change of personality. I need to remember this and see the positives in each day rather than wait for something huge and life changing to occur.

    janny, Millie, Oldtimer, Peter AF and everyone else, how is everyone. Oldtimer hope you get some sleep. Everyone stay warm and safe x

  8. #21268
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    Hi everyone. It's been a long time. Been following recently and I just read JillianUK awesome post about the "positives" of not drinking for 60 days and just wanted to say how great of a post it was Jill.

    I'm the good Catholic boy who starts out not drinking for lent, feels great and then I hit that pink cloud when everything feels great and I can have just one. Well I can attest to the number of years that I have done that and it doesn't work and that one drink ends up leading to drinking a fifth a day of my poison and I'm right back down that rabbit hole again!! Now when I get that feeling I just yell at myself, "STOP IT", over and over again and it really helps. Moral = Take it from me! Don't have that one drink. It's not worth it and you'll just have to start all over again.

    Just wanted to say hi to all my old friends (to many to mention and I wouldn't want to leave someone out); please say HI if your still here or send me a PM. Keep up the keyboard therapy. My record is 120 days. I'm going to break that and finally be done with counting. Peace!

  9. #21269

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    Billy,
    So Happy to see your post!! Keep posting and adding up days. For me, I am just taking it day by day, but I really feel happy to be sober. There is real freedom to it, and as Jillian listed so many benefits. No question, i have drunk enough for a lifetime. I am truly looking forward to experiencing life without the alcohol. I just feel like if I fix this one worrisome part of my life, all sorts of doors will open leading to a more fulfilling meaningful enjoyable life.

  10. #21270

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    Cheers Billy for the words, its all true. Keep going and you will smash your 120 days plus some.

    Too much snow here for running, feeling antsy due to no exercise - but pleased about this, shows how much things have changed with mind and body. Millie will start
    on your book tomorrow and let you know how it goes, nearly finished the Alan Carr one, it has some good advice but I find I struggle with the `do it this way` model. I tend to grab onto anything when I find myself struggling.

    Janny, how are you doing, my thoughts are with you.

    Everyone have a good Saturday night, post if you are struggling x

  11. #21271

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    Hiya.

    Billy good to see you and that you're still fighting. If you're tired of counting, do what i do and record your last drink day somewhere and first about it. I sometimes think milestones are more like millstones when it comes to addiction. You approach one and seem to enter a time warp where everything slows to a crawl and all you can think of is drink. I was a bit like that at the two year spot. Worth thinking about. I use an app, but need to write it down in my gratitude book that I've never used.

    Janny, you asked about getting strength after a lapse and said it was usual for people to feel weaker in their resolve afterwards. I didn't find that. I had "one drink" after 18 months of sobriety as i was obviously over alcohol now and a couple of month later I was back to my old ways, but missing myself I wasn't.

    What worked for me was anger at myself and also hearing that people thought I had a drink problem (which i did) and wanting to prove to them that I hadn't. Second time i "properly" quit, I went into it without the same "I'm just stopping for a while" illusions and this time I said it was for good. I think telling people when they noticed I wasn't drinking that I'd decided to quit for good belief reinforce the view in my mind and also made and makes it a lot harder to reach for a drink when I am tempted. I've told so many people I don't drink and I've quit for good that I'll look an idiot now.

    Besides, I'm old and I'm looking it now and drink hurt more and was less "fun". I'd affect on me inside and out was more noticeable. I can't remember things as it is without throwing in alcohol and I hate waking for work, so a hang over (dread to even think about that) would be horrible. I can still remember my last pellet hang over. Lying in bed all day, feeling awful and wanting it to stop. Screw that.

    Plus I've a family to support and that's a struggle at times. I've saved a conservative £3,000 since I quit and I've been able to do more and this house needs a lot of diy and it seems there's an unwritten rule that diy can only be done by men

    So, when the time comes, i think you'll find quitting easier in the long run. You know what to expect. Oh and don't expect help from your partner. If anything, expect resentment. I resented people around me being sober when I wanted to "have a good time". He might quit (being married to an almost tea total pain helped me see my problem more clearly), but assume he won't. This isn't about him, it's about you and your life. You've got the determination and no one can pick up that drink and swallow it but you. Just don't reach for the bottle and the drinking part doesn't happen.

    It does get easier to resist. Doing the shopping, i saw an offer for alcohol free beer yesterday and ordered it and then thought "actually, water and squash tastes nicer and are a lot cheaper, even with the offer". Oh and I'm on holiday in August with the inlaws (all inclusive... that'll be fun sober (not my idea and no I won't drink... I'll also not suffer dehydration which I have on similar holidays in the past as all i drank was alcohol... idiot I was)) so I'm getting fit. I may be in my fifties, but I know my body will respond and I want to prove something to myself. Right now I don't like how I look much and having a beer won't improve that. Getting on the cross trainer will. Getting on the cross trainer is harder to do and hurts more (I'm doing it shortly) but I feel better about myself after and I'm doing good for myself and my family.

    Anyway, enough waffle from me. Jillian, really well done on three months. Keep strong and push through any grey cloud and temptation. Life is better sober. It can be hard, but it's for sure worse with a drug addiction. When i have temptation, i grab some water. My brain still sometimes confuses thirst with a desire for alcohol. At least i know when I'm dehydrated.

    Time to get on i think. Daylight (grey mucky cloud) is wasting.

  12. #21272

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    Jillian. I am curious to see what you think about the book. She is a big believer of having NO RULES, as she, like me, can be pretty stubborn when it comes to rules. She was highly influenced by the Carr She uses his description of the Pitcher plant and other things, but adds more science. She is also highly repetitive, but states it’s on purpose. She also wants you to read it slowly, a few chapters or so a night. I could only read a few chapters a night cause it would get on my nerves. But!!! Once I finished it. I found that it actually get rid of the desire to drink. It is a lot easier to stay the course when you don’t want to touch the stuff versus, you are just trying to refrain from sheer willpower alone.

    Happy Monday and new week everyone.

  13. #21273

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    Janny,
    Where are you? Please post and let us know how you are doing.

  14. #21274

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    Hey you guys sorry for not posting was away for a few days.

    Don't know what to say. I'm in a funny spot.
    I will order the book a Naked Mind today.
    So happy to see how well you are doing Millie and Julllian- nice job.xo

  15. #21275

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    Hiya. I tried posting the below a couple of days ago but couldn't due to the site playing up. Not sure if it will be a help to anyone, but thought I might as well post it now... Assuming that it will.

    Billy good to see you and that you're still fighting. If you're tired of counting, do what i do and record your last drink day somewhere and first about it. I sometimes think milestones are more like millstones when it comes to addiction. You approach one and seem to enter a time warp where everything slows to a crawl and all you can think of is drink. I was a bit like that at the two year spot. Worth thinking about. I use an app, but need to write it down in my gratitude book that I've never used.

    Janny, you asked about getting strength after a lapse and said it was usual for people to feel weaker in their resolve afterwards. I didn't find that. I had "one drink" after 18 months of sobriety as i was "obviously" over alcohol now and a couple of month later I was back to my old ways, but kidding myself I wasn't.

    What worked for me was anger at myself and hearing that people thought I had a drink problem (which i did) and wanting to prove to them that I hadn't. Second time i "properly" quit, I went into it without the same "I'm just stopping for a while" illusions and this time I said it was for good. I think telling people when they noticed I wasn't drinking that I'd decided to quit for good belief reinforce the view in my mind and also made and makes it a lot harder to reach for a drink when I am tempted. I've told so many people I don't drink and I've quit for good that I'll look an idiot now.

    Besides, I'm old and I'm looking it now and drink hurt more and was less "fun". Drinks affect on me inside and out was more noticeable. I can't remember things as it is without throwing in alcohol and I hate waking for work, so a hang over (dread to even think about that) would be horrible. I can still remember my last hang over. Lying in bed all day, feeling awful and wanting it to stop. Screw that.

    Plus I've a family to support and that's a struggle at times. I've saved a conservative �3,000 since I quit and I've been able to do more and this house needs a lot of diy and it seems there's an unwritten rule that diy can only be done by men

    So, when the time comes, i think you'll find quitting easier in the long run. You know what to expect. Oh and don't expect help from your partner. If anything, expect resentment. I resented people around me being sober when I wanted to "have a good time". He might quit (being married to an almost tea total pain helped me see my problem more clearly), but assume he won't. This isn't about him, it's about you and your life. You've got the determination and no one can pick up that drink and swallow it but you. Just don't reach for the bottle and the drinking part doesn't happen.

    It does get easier to resist. Doing the shopping, i saw an offer for alcohol free beer yesterday and ordered it and then thought "actually, water and squash tastes nicer and are a lot cheaper, even with the offer". So i cancelled it. Oh and I'm on holiday in August with the inlaws (all inclusive... that'll be fun sober (not my idea and no I won't drink... I'll also not suffer dehydration which I have on similar holidays in the past as all i drank was alcohol... idiot I was)) so I'm getting fit. I may be in my fifties, but I know my body will respond and I want to prove something to myself. Right now I don't like how I look much and having a beer won't improve that. Getting on the cross trainer will. Getting on the cross trainer is harder to do and hurts more (I'm doing it shortly) but I feel better about myself after and I'm doing good for myself and my family.

    Anyway, enough waffle from me. Jillian, really well done on three months. Keep strong and push through any grey cloud and temptation. Life is better sober. It can be hard, but it's for sure worse with a drug addiction. When i have temptation, i grab some water. My brain still sometimes confuses thirst with a desire for alcohol. At least i know when I'm dehydrated.

    Time to get on i think. Daylight (grey mucky cloud) is wasting.
    Last edited by OldTimer; 03-05-2018 at 03:08 PM. Reason: Spelling

  16. #21276

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    Janny,
    Glad to see your post. I am glad you are ordering that book. Take your time reading it and donít beat yourself up. This is a process. And, it can take a while to find what works. Hell, there is a whole industry built around it, so we know it is difficult, but possible. Just donít give up. We need to keep working on it. I do think it takes more than just quitting, as Patrick says. I think that quitting is the first step that can kickstart our making more and more positive changes, but it is only the first step. Weíve got to fill up the new found time with positive stuff

    I think, in the This Naked Mind, or it could have been somewhere else, a study was mentioned about rats placed in a cage with choice of plain water and water with alcohol and that the rats would drink the alcohol nonstop, regardless of negative consequences.

    They changed the environment...still choice between plain water and alcohol water, but they added more rats, added more entertainment and delicious foods to try, etc. and in this situation the rats ignored the alcohol and drank the water....

    Old timer, thanks for the post. It is good a reminder that it is best to stay away from the poison entirely. I still find my mind slipping to idea that, eventually, I will be able to have a drink every now and again..

    It is helpful, though, for me to not set any strict rules about the future and just wake up and make the decision that I am not going to drink today.
    Last edited by Millie; 03-08-2018 at 08:45 PM.

  17. #21277

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    Old Timer thanks for your input. Yes I know it is about me and not my partner-its sad because he is trying to get healthier and really the issue is his alcohol but he does not see it-as if he lacks insight or maybe just denial. As I'm typing I think how much I like being sober and really don't even like the taste of alcohol-its been just a habit for me. And like you Old Timer when I drink you can see the results all over my face and I feel like my brain cells were shifted-hahaha! Not good. I know what I need to do-I need some projects and I need to focus on my health and well being. My SO has got to go his path-I hate to say it but I think secretly he does not like that I am doing so well- he likes me to go down the slippery path-he does not like to drink alone and he tells me that. UGH!
    Anyway enough of that I am to focus on myself and all you wonderful people-Millie and Jullian I was where you are at not too long ago and I'm at it again. Thanks for all your support. Life is too short to be drinking and I want to feel really good again.
    Today is day 2 March 5th is my new recovery date for the rest of my life!!!

  18. #21278

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    Brilliant that you are back on it Janny, no matter how many times it takes for any of us we can never stop trying.

    Oldtimer, drinking pineapple and sparkling water, Millie, nearly finished the Alan carr book and onto the new one. Will let you know how it is for me.

    So tonight I found myself thinking, `oh I can have a drink, life is good, I am good, all is well` - things were going on around me and there was a little excitement in the air - all good stuff and my mind immediately went to the old way of thinking. I can justify drinking for any occasion, any feeling, with anyone and spending any amount of money for it. So tonight when a new situation that brought on a new feeling, my old ways of thinking immediately kicked in - have a drink. I have been so focused on not drinking when the negative feelings are around I got caught off guard when the positive feelings came in. I have not drank and am over it now but it has left me feeling a bit vulnerable but am pleased that it happened so i can remind myself about keeping my guard up not only on the bad times but the good times too - sorry, feel like I waffled a bit there.

    Have some nice food to cook and am thankful for today xx

  19. #21279

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    Morning all Day 3 and feeling good- back on the sober train. Need to get back in the frame of mind this is permanent. I like how I can get back at it again but then the thoughts creeps in that I can do this now and then-binge drink a few days then sober for a time-not good! Need to get out of that frame of mind. Never make progress that way.
    Also funny after drinking for a few days the negative thinking comes back in to play with the depression-just a terrible frame of mind when I drink.Don't like it at all much better off without it forever.
    Have a great day.
    xoxo

  20. #21280

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    Hope all is well day 4 for me!!! Julienne staying strong I hope this is when I waived and was tempted- just did not go to the next level and was complacent- don't let that happen to you itsexciting to see what comes next.
    Millie's trust you are well too.
    No fun drinking - alcohol is poison and aged me so fast.
    AF hope you are well and getting faster- running must feel great!!

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