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How to stop drinking - Page 2
  1. #21

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    Thank you Carol and Mary. Your sharing really made me feel I wasn't alone. Even though I know I'm not the only alcoholic created sometimes it's so lonely battling myself all the time. I am worn out from battling myself. Carol when I drink it's usually white wine. Always a whole bottle or close to it. If I drink red wine that's better because that's suppose to be heart healthy for you. Except I guess not when it's a whole bottle ! When I have four or five bottles of wine a week I get scared and try to stop. Sometimes I stop for a few days or few weeks. Sometimes I can do it 60 or 70 days but those are few and far between. I know I'm doing better when I'm sober long stretches because physically I feel so much better, emotionally I'm less anxious and depressed. Then I start thinking I can drink again and even though I never drink normal I start up again. It's been since I was 18 and I'm 48 now. You'd think I'd figure out I can't drink. Thats why this time Carol like your saying you want to talk about your drinking I can relate. I want to remember I can't drink normal and never will.

  2. #22
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    Oh goodness. I'm asking myself - did I write the recent posts? I feel like I certainly could have.

    I've mentioned before I seem to whack out after 90 days, and almost trance-like, I drink myself into oblivion in one day and have no idea why I did it, how much I drank, how I got the alcohol, where I've hidden it throughout the house, etc.... Maybe I've only acknowledged on the surface that I can't drink at all, even a sip. The cycle is so frustrating, but I know each of you understands and I know just by us being here, we remain committed to our healing.

    I also wanted to let you know of three apps I found and downloaded to my IPhone. They are from an organization called Hazelden and are daily meditations (thoughts) related to alcohol recovery and I personally find them very inspiring. I start each day by reading them. Specifically they are "Each Day a New Beginning - Daily Meditations for Women," "Twenty-Four Hours a Day," and "A Day at a Time - Reflections for Recovering People." I don't know much about them, but do know they provide treatment programs and I've heard them mentioned quite regularly in my pursuit of recovery.

    One I particularly like from today that relates to what has been recently posted is "We defeat ourselves with labels. We hem ourselves in; we shorten our vision; we cut off opportunities in the making. We influence how others think of us, too... It's time for praise. We are all that we need to be, and more. We have an inner beauty that only needs encouragement to shine forth. If we smile from within today, we will free ourselves from our negative cages. A new life awaits us."

    Thanks for being here and for the tips on using a forum. I'm worked my way into the "advanced" feature!

    Ok, everybody, group smile!

  3. #23
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    Sam, so glad to hear from you. And so sorry you had an argument. Are you feeling anxious? I'm hoping that your being on here right now is helping you at this very moment. You have 2 days - why not make it 3? I know, easier said than... I was a cranky, argumentative, PMSing sister this weekend and was scouring the house for pepar vodka or red wine I might have squirreled away. Couldn't find it - hmph - must have drank it all. I've resorted to having no access to both the car keys and the $. I will allow myself only one or the other. For me, the two together are are dangerous setup right now. I've been struggling with my need to drink to numb myself - and my need to quit killing myself (or someone possibly someone else) for 14 months now. But this time around I now have 6 days. Tonight I was straightening a closet and found an "almost' empty bottle of wine I buried. I was so tempted to just finish it off... but I'm going to day 7. Go with me girl!!

  4. #24
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    Sam, I'm so glad you reached out. I was told in group therapy that if you can do something for just a few minutes to distract your mind (obviously other than drinking the urge to drink will pass. One thing to try when aggitated or anxious is to take a blue pen and draw horizontal lines across a piece of paper - it's supposed to be calming. I haven't tried it, but... Again, I'm so proud of you for having the strength and honesty to reach out. I have never been able to do that. I simply drink myself silly as a Type AAA, and then reach out and make a fool of myself. You've just shown me how simply stopping and acknowledging how you are feeling, rather than drinking, works. Bless you and sleep tonight.

  5. #25

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    All y'all, so day 10 for me bit the dust. Patrick talked about 2 seconds away from saying "just screw it" and that's where I've been all day. Sad to say that when I'm not drinking it seems I think about drinking even more than when I am. Sigh. So I had a Cosmo while waiting for take-out then oh well as long as I've blown it I might as well make it worthwhile so I bought a bottle of wine on the way home and have mostly polished it off. Worse than that maybe was my husband saying I thought so when he saw the bottle and he was aware that I've been thinking about drinking all day even before I admitted it to myself. And he said I guess the blog doesn't work either.

    So what do I say? If I weren't trying I wouldn't even be here? If I were succeeding I wouldn't even be here? I don't know. I just know that y'all will not judge me.

    Justin, I don't know if you are still reading these posts. I have asked myself if I were alone would I even bother or would I just drink myself into oblivion. I am so envious of you that you raised your three daughters while sober while I raised my two while drinking. My older daughter has shared that if I can work and drink and be a single parent than so why can't she, my younger daughter at 27 is temporarily living with us and I certainly don't find myself a role model although I did keep body and soul and kids together after their dad left and before I remarried.

    All I know is that I think I am at heart a good person and a good mom and hopefully a good wife even though when I drink I might as well forget it all and just say I'm not all that.

    Thank you all as I know that when I finish the darned bottle and re-read this in the morning I will know that you wish me the best and support me in my struggle.

  6. #26

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    Carol,
    Hang in there. I know that look on my husband's face all too well. It just makes me want to drink more for so many different reasons, but esp. makes me drink more just to show him. Hah.
    Sam,
    someone posted earlier about how now drinking makes them even more irritable. (It may even have been something Patrick said.) I totally overreacted tonigh. I was cooking dinner and opened the freezer and the ice cream fell out. Nothing spilled, so no big deal right? Wrong. I started cussing and slamming things around. A little piece of me just sat back and watched and thought how utterly ridiculous I was being. A week ago I would have grabbed a bottle of wine "just to take the edge off." But I didn't tonight. I know to most people that would seem silly but I think you guys all understand. Anyway, I've been trying to drink herbal tea, esp. the flavors that are supposed to be relaxing. I also went for a walk. That seemed to help too. Hope you are able to de-stress without the alcohol tonight.
    You know what's funny? I thought "alcoholics" drank liquor, so I was ok becuase I mostly drank wine. But reading these posts, it looks like wine was/is a problem for a lot of us. And yes, I used the excuse that it was good for my heart. Boy if that were true I'd live foreverr!

  7. #27

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    Sorry Sam, I meant NOT drinking (not "now")

  8. #28

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    yay!!! kjbp!! so good to see/hear you! Mary, I know that feeling of hoping nobody will see that you are on this site and that you are an alcoholic, or at least have a problem with drinking. We all have gone through the same self shame, that feeling that if nobody else knows then it must not be true. That makes it seem more "controllable." The thing to remember is that it is okay- it IS OKAY- to keep it a secret. Sometimes, it is easier to be honest with yourself if it is only you and a bunch of faceless people (us) that you share your darkest self with. This is such a personal battle, and there is no recipe for success as each of us is our own person. Some people need groups, some people need a book and specific steps toward success, and some of us need to be private and yet all of us seem to need people to bounce our stories, our questions, our thoughts off of. I hope you will find this site as helpful as I have. Welcome to our family. We may never actually meet, but we know each others stories so well....

  9. #29
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    Hi Girls! (and guys).

    I am very touched by the posts - each of them brings so much to our group. Heartful, tearful, and at the same time laugh out loud acknowledgement, and a "yes, that's me too!" Ie, I too, was (I say was, intending to keep it a "was") buying boxes of wine. They were easier to stash away and Alberston's always had them on "preferred savings"... In fact, this morning I saw something that made me think - hmmm, I could break open the piggy bank (literally coins), pull together a couple of $$ and get the yellow box of wine frmo the grocery. But then I thought good grief, if I'm going to go to that much trouble and buy wine with spare change, why not pull together $1.99 and treat myself to something that I would never have considered before - a DQ milkshake or blizzard! Either way I'm likely to feel a tad bloated afterwards so might as well try something new (surely I'm going through delirious withdrawls if it's come to this, but whatever works!)

    Someone mentioned tea. I've stopped the coffee, except on occasion and have been drinking tea. A couple I like are Tazo Green Ginger (sweet spicy ginger pear), Tazo Rest (herbal rose petal, valerian root and very light citrus), Stash Licorice Spice, and Celestial Seasonings Honey. I like to keep a variety on hand for my different moods.

    I so respect all of you when you mention your slips. It's been very hard for me to mention that to this group since I've been on here the past few months. I guess it's my controlling, perfectionist personality. My epiphany from this is it I'm not perfect, I'm human, and it's ok to be human, and good lord, I've certainly slipped my fair share. I also just did a tiny bit of math. If I can hit my 90 day mark (which I've done twice), then do another 90 days, by the time I do 4 of them in a row, I've completed 1 year! Doesn't sound too hard when I think of it that way.

    Just a couple more things - here is a link to one of the daily resources I find inspiring. You can use this link if you don't have an IPhone: http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/t...iew?catId=1920. You don't have to join, log in or anything, just read for 30 seconds and reflect. I even share them with my husband (who is a huge anchor for me in all this). Also, if you use the "Advanced" feature on this post, you can look at all the post in the thread, whereas when I do a "quick reply" and want to reference something said prior, I lose what I wrote...

    Blessings to everyone today (and I'll let you know how that DQ shake or blizzard is)!

  10. #30

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    hi

    I was reading along with new posts. So excited to meet more people not drinking. I feel so sad when I read the slips, but don't give up. Its seems when one person does it can start a trend. So hang in there everyone it is so worth it.

  11. #31

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    hi all..I havent written anything since we switched sites, but I havent stopped reading the posts, good to see activity around..Im still not drinking since new years, cant believe its been so long! Still not smoking either, having a slightly rougher time with that right now since its only been a bit over a month..Different varieties of tea have also been extremely helpful to me as well

    I just wanted to tell to everyone who mentions their husband..It's soothing to me to know u got someone who's there if u slip or if u dont..Im single and I want u all to be grateful at least for that..One of the reasons i quit drinking was to try to attract someone by being my real self and not a drunk moron (aka party girl) but of course nothing ever goes as planned and its hard sticking to the plan when not a lot is going on to convince us we made the right choice..

    anyways, wishing strength to all of us!! )

  12. #32

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    It is so encouraging to see all the posts! Even though I've only been at this a few days, yall have made me feel so accepted. THANKS!
    It does seem we have been talking about our husbands lately. Aren't there any men in this thread? I would be interested in hearing their perspective. Sally, it is funny how they only seem to notice our slips, but maybe that's because that's what WE are so focused on. What's really strange is that since I have cut down the drinking, my husband seems to be drinking more. Not a lot, but more the last few days than usual. Or maybe I'm focused more on what he's drinking because I'm trying not to?
    Who knows? This makes my head ache trying to sort it out!
    Theodora, hang in there.
    Angela, thanks for the kind words.
    KJBP, what a great idea. I'm going to start rewarding myself with chocolate every once in a while instead of the wine. At least I won't have a hangover.
    Good luck everyone!

  13. #33

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    Sylvane,
    We have all done things while drinking that we are embarrased and ashamed about. At least it sounds like your husband didn't give you too hard a time.
    One of the reasons I am trying to quit is a few weeks ago, my husband and I spent the day at the beach with another couple. We drank all day long. When we got up to leave, I literally couldn't walk, I kept falling down in the sand. Now we were on a crowded public beach in front of a popular bar. Some guy from the bar came down and carried our stuff so my husband could carry me. Lucky for me, I can't remember any of this. My husband told me about it the next day. I had bruises and scrapes all over my legs, but luckily none on my face (this time).
    Needless to say, I was mortified. I apologized over and over to my husband and friends. My hubby was really great. Told me he knew I didn't do it on purpose. But still. What if people from my church had been at that beach? Or my boss? Or a potential client?
    It really scared me.
    So see, you are not alone!

  14. #34

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    My first post

    I have been sitting here reading your posts, and everything all of you say is a mirror of me, my feelings, my embarrassments and my desire to stop drinking but finding myself there every night. I'm hoping this blog will help me to not have a drink (or 10) tonight. It's 2:03pm, so I have a long way to go.

  15. #35
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    Gosh, wow, we've all been drinking the purple kool-aid - no pun...

    I'm on day 7 (for probably the 7th time). Sam, as you said, I agree that it's more about the time counted not drinking. From what I've seen, and personally experienced, it is an extremely rare occasion that someone can make it through this the first time.

    What I believe is important, is what we learn and discover about ourselves during that period we have not been drinking and what we learn from the "slips, relapses, etc..." Each time I've slipped, it's only been for one or two days, but it's usually with a major amount of intensity. Then I come out of my insanity having learned something different each time.

    As several have mentioned it's the alone time that gets me too. My husband does some traveling for work. I'll usually have a pretty good "dry" run and then he'll need to go out of town. I lose my brain and end up drinking myself into oblivion... you know the rest.

    I pray I have consumed alcohol for the last time. I don't want to and I simply physically can't "hold" any liquor at all without becoming a bumbling nut. I'm fair skinned, fair eyed and bruise like a peach. Three weeks ago I was so inntoxicated (at home fortunately) and fell flat on my face on our hardwood floor. I split my chin open and our house had so much blood everywhere it could have been mistaken for a murder scene. My chin was black and blue. I had to go to church with a big, really attractive band aid. You'd thought I would have learned, because I did the same thing about a year ago. So now nursing two scars on my chin, daily reminders of this madness.

    Sylvane, Mary, and all, thank you for sharing your physical and emotional scars here.

    Life is a process of discovery and development. Remember, we are all beautiful despite our brusies, so be sure to smile today!

  16. #36

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    Life is a process of discovery and development. Remember, we are all beautiful despite our brusies, so be sure to smile today!

    thank you for that kjbp. I think we all need to remind ourselves of that. We get so caught up in the shame, we think everyone "knows" our secret. We forget, EVERYBODY has a secret, something they are dealing with, that is just as bad to them as our drinking is to us.

    (I just wish mine were one of those!)

  17. #37

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    Mekka, Hang in there. Try to think about something else if you can. Every day I pray that I won't drink. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't. But we have to just try.

  18. #38
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    OMG - this is all really too funny, if it wasn't so sad, but I feel like I have been reading my own story - so ladies have comfort - you are NOT alone. My last big bender resulted in me slipping down the basement steps and putting two huge holes in the wall at the bottom. Still can't tell you what parts of my body went through the wall - definitely my left foot as it hurt something fierce...not sure if my head did the upper hole. Sad part is I don't remember a thing. And of course my husband wanted to know what happened and I really couldn't tell him - just that I remember slipping. Thankfully I didn't break anything (good thing I was so drunk - it probably loosened me up for the fall) - just bruised my ego majorly again!!! Surprised I didn't wake up the household with that thud LOL!! So glad to read that I am not the only idiot out there (I mean this in a very nice way!) I agree with kjbp or whomever that said, don't dwell on the drinking days, dwell on the days you haven't drank. In April when I first found this site I made 24/30 days sober ones - for me who has been drinking a 1/2 fifth of whiskey or more every night for way to long - that is a major accomplishment. I may not be able to string all my days together, but I truly believe that if I learn from each episode I am getting one step closer to making that happen.

    Mekka, Sylvane, Mary....I too drink at home - alone - every night after work. The trick is to find other things to do besides veg out with the booze. My hardest part is not stopping off on the way home to buy a bottle (since after each episode I dump out the remainder in disgust) - so yesterday I made up a little card that says "Think before you drink" and I listed out 10 reasons to NOT stop off. I haven't had to use it yet, but when I do I hope it will convince me to keep driving. Hang in there everyone!!

  19. #39

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    Sam, thanks! You're right, I did give my body a rest, and it's not helpful to think of this as a failure, 'cause if I'm a failure then I might as well act like one and keep drinking. Just another example of the warped thinking that the alcohol gets us with.

    I took some time to look around the website again and read some of Patrick's words of wisdom. I had read the "go big or go home" and thought that's what I was doing. But they say one of the definitions of insanity is if we keep doing the same things and expect a different outcome. So if all I do is stop drinking but change nothing else, I'm not going to say I'm setting myself up for failure, but it certainly isn't supportive of change. I’m taking a look at Patrick’s visual guide on how to stop drinking and want to see if I can do more to set myself up for success!

    I also have been rereading the old blog. Here’s a great post from JPVD 12/7/09 which is very apropos for where I am right now:
    “My two cents on quitting drinking:
    - be prepared for the ‘boredom’: drinking was a hobby, take it away and it seems like you have nothing to do… but now you have time (and money!) to finally do those things you wanted to do but were drunk. Before you decide to fully quit, think of something to occupy your ‘drinking’ time.
    - be honest with your partner: if you don’t tell them you want to stop drinking, then you really don’t want to stop
    - break ‘drinking’ habits: If you drank wine while cooking dinner: eat take-out for a few weeks. If you feel compelled to buy beer at a gas station on the way home, change your route. If you find yourself wanting to drink at social functions, don’t go."

    "Alcohol is not your friend. It wants to destroy you, your career, your relationships, your family and then take your life. It has thousands of years of experience in doing so and if you need to pull out the big guns to fight it; then do so!” Thanks, JVPD. Not sure if you are still out there, but I hope all is going well with you!

    I don't keep alcohol in the house, so I have to go out to buy my bottle a day. (That's how I "control' my drinking, by only buying one bottle at a time - sigh). So one change in habit I'm trying to make is to not go out shopping in the afternoon. (I'm retired.) The later it gets the more likely it is I'll weaken and buy the bottle. Mary, maybe you could take a different route home as a small change to try to help?

    It's great to be part of this conversation! Thanks to all for inspiring me. Just for today. . .

  20. #40

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    Bruises

    Oh my gosh!! All this talk of bruises, I forgot about that. I remember, actually I don't remember someone told me....I was mouthing off at a bar and some girl beat me up I had black eyes for days, apparently I did deserve it I was being very mean and abusive. I can also remember waking up after nights of drinking and having bruises all over my body that I had no idea, how they got there!
    I think the hardest part of all was the shame. Thanks for your honesty everyone it helps me to remember how bad things were. One day at a time you can all do it. I just got sick and tired of living the life I was, every problem or big dramatic event always envolved alcohol.
    Sam thanks for asking about my daughter, she is doing very well. It is so hard to believe that she could be that sick and now is back to her old self.
    Thinking of you all.

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