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How to stop drinking - Page 62
  1. #1221

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    Today is my 14th wedding anniversary (it's a second marriage for both of us). It will be my first one sober! Yay! And Friday will be 90 days for me, so I'm pretty jazzed.

    Sally, I'm glad to hear your trip went well and glad to have you back posting! You have great insights. I feel like my brain is coming back. I've found myself driving around and kind of waiting for something to hit me, like a wave of nausea or a startle response. I realized that my brain is on alert for one of the reactions I'd have when I was drinking, then it notices that's not happening any more. Early on in my recovery I was elated to not have those rotten feelings. Now it's as though my mind is retraining itself. Similarly I woke in the night a couple of times, not uncommon at this time of my life (I'm 58 going on 59) but no apparent reason. I used to wake up in the middle of the night feeling like crap and having recriminations, etc. Last night it felt like my brain was checking for those - nope, just quiet. So it seems like my brain was on high alert for a long time for the drinking side-effects so it could help me cope. Now maybe it's checking on whether it can stand down and use those neurons for something useful. I don't know if that makes any sense. Maybe it's time to read one of those first year of sobriety books.

    Ruth, are you still in Greece? Thanks for chiming in. Billy, sorry you're still struggling but it's good to hear from you.

    For so many trying to get past day 1 or day 2, I feel for you. I spent so many years doing that. 5:00 and time to start drinking (well I cheated and started earlier some times but I tried to at least wait until then) and there was NO such thing as one drink. I couldn't keep alcohol in the house because I would drink everything there was until it was gone or I passed out, whichever happened first. So I'd have to spend energy every day figuring out where I was going to go buy liquor, and sometimes after I'd drunk what I'd bought for the day I'd have to go out and get more (and risk a DUI). I felt like there were 2 parts of me: the one that wanted to drink and the one that didn't, and the one that wanted was stronger. I call her my she-devil. That voice/monster/devil, whatever you want to call it rings that bell at 4 or 5 or whatever drinking start time you have and just insists you drink. Stopping drinking is so easy and so hard - just tell her to shut up, beat that devil with a stick, go for a run, do anything and everything to not drink. Y'all know Patrick's got some great articles. So I'd get by one day and then day 2 that she-devil would say hey, Carol you didn't drink yesterday so it's ok to drink today, and then keep increasing the urgency of the gotta drink messages until I gave in. Oh, I'm tired and sad just thinking about it. And then if I somehow made it almost a week, I'd get the "you've made it, you know how to stop drinking, so it's ok to drink". Worse was making it 2 weeks and then being enticed by "oh, it's ok to have just one, you've made it two weeks so you know you can quit anytime". Long story short - find what works for you and send that devil into hibernation. For me it was "just don't drink". I couldn't see my way to signing up for the 30 day trial until I was within a week of making it. For others the 30 day trial worked because they didn't have to think about it every day. YOU CAN DO THIS! You can quit.

    Congrats to all who are doing so well.

    And THANK YOU for helping me on my path to being a non-drinker. I couldn't have gotten this far without you.

  2. #1222

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    Regina, Billy, and all of you, we are together and we are not alone in this. Carol, I love the quote, "send that devil into hibernation." Very effective. Great post - 90 days - how awesome. Let's all get there! Of course, I'm very "rah rah" here on Day 1 - the tough part is coming. But I've had a spring in my step today knowing that all of you are out there fighting the same battle. Cathy, I can relate to the fear of disappointing those around you. My loved ones are jaded now that I've declared "Day 1" so many times. But let's do this for ourselves and take care of ourselves. I'm so tired of feeling guilty and sorry that I'm disappointing everyone (including myself). Just don't drink TODAY and forget about the rest. Thanks, everyone.

  3. #1223

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    Thanks Carol, you said "whatever you want to call it" Well I believe it is a real live demon sent from the pits of hell to destroy my life. I've been analyzing my thoughts and responses to my thoughts, and I tend to reason with myself that I CAN drink like "normal" people. Just one or two shots and I'm good to go. I find myself trying to prove it to myself, hubby, God......that "yes I can too drink like other people"...........well once I get into that mindset.........I am usually too far gone into "proving" something that I am powerless to stop myself from carrying out the plan! ..........ugh!!.........looking back on it after the fact makes me more aware of just how embedded these behaviors and errant ways of lifelong mindsets are set. Hmmm......well knowing what's going on and changing these dysfunctional ways are two very different things! So anyway......this forum is proving more helpful than I thought it would. I'm going to make myself keep coming back here, during the good days and the bad ones. Staying away from genuine people with a common cause is just plain stupid. Ohhh the beauty of the internet. Who would have thought..........

  4. #1224

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    Jun 2011
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    OMG! Thank you for writing about the brain fog. I thought it was just me! lol. Good luck everyone. Keep staying sober.

  5. #1225
    Thank you to everyone for your words. Reading this forum is helping me get through this day. I have no urge to drink today and for that I am grateful. It is truly one day at a time.

  6. #1226

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    May 2011
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    Thanks for the post Sally. Waking up with the fear that I might need to apologize to someone was awful. Life is so much better without alcohol even with day to day stresses of life.

    Ryan it is great to see you putting yourself first. You will be fine.

    Happy anniversary Carol. Hope you have a great one.

    For everyone at day 1-2 keep coming back. It does help. I have had to start over at day 1 many times and hated myself for it each time. The fact that you return here is a sign that you are ready to stay sober. I remember how miserable I felt my last day 1 (15 days ago) and it is surprising how fast I began to feel better about everything when I removed alcohol from my life. I surprise myself by reaching this many days sober.
    Please, don't give up!

    Good luck to all!

  7. #1227

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    Hi Sylvane, Yes indeed............"cravings for ALL OF THE ABOVE" How to start talking about all the dissatisfactions in life......or even if we should. I'm trying to be3 more thankful for what I have, or shall I say "My LOT in life". I've never gone to counseling or belonged to a forum (other than gardening) so I'm kind of clueless how to start to unpack all the various baggage of life and share with others.

  8. #1228
    Billy's Avatar
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    Syl, hey! Thank you so much for the post (and Carol and Dragonfly - hey)! I am so happy your doing so well!!

    I read what you said and it does makes sense! But, I have a good life. I have a good job, healthy chidren, great family, no pains (thank God to all), sometimes bored because I live by myself and I still can't beat the beast!! It just doesn't make sense to me why I have this demon on my shoulder. It is like, I don't know, but its always whispering in my ear! "Your okay, you feel better, have just a couple...' but it never works out like that!! I'm not an at home drinker, never was. I go out and hit all the bars! How pathetic of a life is that!! I'm 52 years old, i'm not a college kid! I have 2 children, a Senior in College and a Senior in High School; about time I grew up and faced reality??

    Okay enough. Sorry again that I ranted but thats why this site is so great! I will beat this, and I will never stop trying!! Thanks all and peace!!

  9. #1229

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    I'm soooo grateful for all you guys! Frog..."jaded" is the perfect word for me too. My husband is the only one who knows I still drink (I Think) but he's so incredibly jaded by my 5 yr. love affair with vodka that the best he can do is say "I forgive you" and "I love you....not that other person" What I really wish he would/could do is say something like "Come on baby, you don't need that today.....LET'S go right now and do this or do that.....let's find more purpose in our lives"..........LOL...........I want him to go deeeeep with me, but unfortunately he's pretty much a surface guy (whatever that means!)

    Dragonfly and Sylvane and the rest......thank you so much for keeping this thing going tonight. Day 2 is almost over for me. Day 3 really tends to be a stinker! I asked Eric to take my checkbook, debit/credit cards, and cash with him to work tomorrow. The truth is.....if I get so desperate that I go digging for dimes and nickels in all the baskets and drawers.....then I'm further gone than I'm thinking I am right now! Someone say a prayer for me. I can't wait until I can truly be an inspiration to some others.

  10. #1230

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    May 2011
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    Carol I just wanted to say how excited I am for you and thanks for sharing. I will make sure to congratulate you on Friday for 90 days! That is really pretty amazing when you think how we were a year ago. A year ago I was desperately trying to quit but not really wanting to quit either. I wanted to get numb as Sylvane says and no consequences if I drank. I got sick of the chaos of it all and got sick of that brutal quit drinking then drink again addiction cycle. That was so demeaning for me and I am glad to have that albatross off my back. To all you new people, life changes dramatically when you take the alcohol out of the picture. And it changes in all kinds of amazing and unbelievable ways. So as Carol says dont give up and dont drink no matter how much the alcoholic in you wants to. If you make the decision in your heart not to drink, no matter what, you will do it. And to all of you with 15, 16, 17 days...congrats!

  11. #1231

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    Jul 2011
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    Love that line -- "life changes dramatically when you take the alcohol out of the picture." I particularly love it because it symbolizes something we can look forward to day to day. We're opting to live instead of exist. Be present instead of distant. Day 17 for me. Tomorrow is my last day active on the forum until Sunday, soooo I'll be writing up my weekly plan and posting it tomorrow.

    Ryan

  12. #1232

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    Jul 2011
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    Red face

    I am continually blown away by the posts on here. I thoroughly enjoy reading them. Thanks to all for your posts!!

    Today was so hot and I was so tired by end of day.... that I had a small pang of desire for a nice cold glass of wine around 5:30 but resisted and the desire soon passed. Day 15 almost over. I am noticing that it is getting a little tougher, as I suspected it would after enough time elapsed.. Once enough time passes from my last drink and hangover, etc. My brain or little devil starts to try and convince me that quitting is so easy that I must not really have a problem blah, blah, blah. This forum is a great place to come to remind myself to Not drink, no matter what. Even of it were possible to drink normally, why risk it. I certainly can't complain that I haven't had enough time to drink my fill over the last 30 years. There is no question that I've already had more than enough...enough to last a lifetime. I really don't need another drop. I certainly don't need the calories. I especially don't need to risk losing control or more.. Life is too precious to waste any more of it intoxicated or hungover.

    Everyone stay strong. All of you on day 1... ......if we stay on course, Day 2 and then 3 and then 15, 30, 90, year 1, etc. are just a day, days or few weeks or months away, etc.

  13. #1233

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    Jul 2011
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    Hello Everyone. I originally found this site at the begining of the New Year when I had decided that my resolution for 2011 was to quit drinking. I am a 29 yr old female who has had years of problem drinking, binge drinking, alone drinking, partying drinking, hiding drinking, bragging drinking, falling down drinking, getting up and drinking and more than likely alcoholic drinking...since i was about 18. Of course my drinking started in high school; weekends, then with the freedom of a fake id; bars, then with living on my own; parties etc. Failed relationships made me drink more. Successful relationships made me want to hide my problem. So anyway, I did it and decided to quit Jan 1, 2011. And for my first real attempt, I made it until May 2, without one drop of alcohol. Whoo hoo. But here in the Bluegrass State, the first Sat in May is quite the party! So I became cocky, thought I'll be fine, a couple of drinks won't kill me, went ahead and had a few. Now I'm definately not to the point where I was before this quest but I have spent the last, i guess 3 months, playing around with alcohol. So after being inspired by the new moon and the new month...I'm getting back on track and i genuinely believe that i need to be a non-drinker...again. It's creeping on me. I'll go a week and have a couple of drinks, then a few days and i'll have too many drinks...then i'll stop for 2 weeks and get comfortable again and then do something i regret, or blackout. So I've decided to get back on track and plan to be posting. So hello to all and here's to another day sober...Day 2!

  14. #1234

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    May 2011
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    Hi everyone - Sally glad that you had a great trip and glad to see you back posting. Carol - your description of what it was like for you while drinking . . . Heck, that was me. And thank you for sharing and reminding me of who I was and of what I was capable ("drank the two bottles already, sure I'm right as rain to go out before closing to get more"). Because I really needed that today -

    I'm at about 2 months and some change now. Yet, this last month doesn't feel like it 'counts' - I've been at home with my parents who believe I've not been drinking for over a year, so no booze for me. I feel passive. As though I've not been active in staying sober and choosing sobriety. And that makes me chafe and get antsy and think about 'rewarding' myself - except I know how that 'reward' goes and I really don't want to go there. Ever again. In addition, I'm in that dangerous place where I don't feel physically bad anymore and I can't remember what it felt like to be killing myself from drinking - which is a good thing, but I sort of feel without that literal pain as a reminder, I'm forgetting how bad it was.

    I know that my brain fog has been lifting (a little bit, very creakily and with effort) - and I feel that I should focus on that success and celebrate it and live it. But, I'm feeling down about a lot of things lately and at the bottom of it all (when I go back to origins for this 'thing', this drinking) it is this feeling of deep inadequacy that I drank to ignore/medicate/numb (as Sylvane says). If I get stuff done (workwise, personal life-wise), I'm hoping that I can squash her/it/this and stay clean.

  15. #1235

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    May 2011
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    Huh, should have read Patrick's new article - spot on again for how I'm feeling and what I'm worrying over.

  16. #1236

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    Jul 2011
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    Hello Lady B, welcome to the forum. Lots of new posts since yesterday and these will inspire you. Thanks everyone.

    Any time you're feeling its a real struggle Lady B just log on and read or write down your thoughts and the moment will pass. Its not easy but to know that you're not alone really helps. I'm on Day 16 today and feeling very low in mind but I need to get past it and make sure I dont drink.

    I had a call from my friend re our Friday night out and I said I was taking the car which she accepted so that's a major hurdle over. There was no argument about it. Now that that's been broached I know I wont drink, will be interesting to see how I feel as I would think the other 10 or so people in my company will be drinking.

    Here's to another sober day.

  17. #1237

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Seattle
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    Yes, I am still in Greece- lovely, and ladyB, I relate about the pull of the "party". Unfortunately, in Greece, every day is a party, twice a day! In our social circle, we spend a lot of time with traditional musicians- hard-working and hard-drinking men. I always prided myself that I could keep up with them. So now, I am really cauterizing those old thought patterns. Last night we hung out, ate, drank 9soda for me) and had a great time- I enjoyed the aroma of the ouzo, but didn't really want one, and if I had, wouldn't have had one. I resist the temptation for the overwhelming amount of sweets people force on you here- it is borderline impolite to refuse, so why not resist the temptation for alcohol? This is a commitment I make to myself, it is what is best for me, and no matter how I bargain with myself, however it began, my body has now altered to crave alcohol. End of story. The only solution is not to drink. Simple, right? Before I had really committed to getting sober, I thought I would put a bottle of anti-freeze in the place on the counter where the wine usually was, just as a reminder that I want to drink poison! Didn't do it, though, because I wasn't ready to acknowledge the truth. Alcoholism is not a moral failing, it is a complicated and powerful problem, and all people are capable of change if the want it! Lots of love from sunny Greece!

  18. #1238

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    Welcome lady B. Good for you for dealing with this issue now. I knew I was a problem drinker when I was your age, but have let almost another 20 years go by before trying to seriously deal with it. I do regret that..

    Ruth, I am glad you are having a great time in Greece sober and having little difficulty with Social drinking situations.

    Mairianna, it sounds like we are going through similar emotions in third week. I expected this, so am prepared for it this time. It tripped me up last time I tried to quit. This weekend, I think you will be fine. If you find yourself getting too tempted, you should just leave early. I think the night will be interesting for you to watch how all your friends drink.. Are they also problem drinkers or do they mostly drink responsibly, etc.. I've noticed now that most folks my age drink much more responsibly than I did. Stay safe and stay strong and everyone, do not drink no matter what.

  19. #1239
    I love signing on and reading the posts.
    Today is Day 2 for me. I came home from work yesterday, took a shower, ate and basically just went to bed.
    I know from my period of sobriety in the past, it gets easier the further away I get from the last drink.
    I am cheering for all of us to make it another day sober! :-)

  20. #1240
    Fifi's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
    Location
    North Carolina
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    Hi everyone. I am new to this site and feel better already, just by reading others thoughts and struggles. Just reinforces the fact that I am not alone. I'm not the only person who is fighting this horrible battle.

    I am a 40 year old wife and mother of a beautiful 7 yr old daughter. I've been drinking on a (pretty much so) nightly basis for 15 years. I do not start drinking (wine is my beverage of choice) until after 5:00 and will drink until I get drunk. I've gotten so used to waking up with headaches, that I hardly notice them anymore. I don't think I would know what it feels like to wake up without a hangover (just kidding ... I've had a few drinkless nights here and there)!!

    Anyways, I am soooooo ready to quit!! I've been saying it for years, but I really mean it. I have had it. I feel so ashamed and guilty every day for my drinking. I am tired of being a sloppy drunk mess. I want to be a "normal" wife and mother. So, here goes. I am ready!

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