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How to stop drinking - Page 962
  1. #19221

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    Aardwolf, this forum has come alive with powerfully honest and deep posts. Thanks for stirring things up.

    Tere, I'm so glad you had the strength to come here instead of having a drink. What I've promised myself to do from now on is think of the whole picture if I want a drink. Think that it won't be a drink, it will turn into daily drinking and declining happiness in a matter of time. If any of us could drink for one day and return to our sobriety we probably wouldn't be here. For some reason I can so easily lie to myself and tell myself that just this one day then I'll get back on track. No more of that shit! I will not lie to myself any more.

    Day 9. Yesterday was difficult. Not really craving drinking so much but not the elation of sobriety I had been having. It was almost like I had a hangover. I was really irritable with the kids in the am. I knew it would pass and my mood would get better. I visualized what would it be like to drink right now and initially it would sooth but then lead to feeling tired, more irritable and would likely ruin my long run with a friend this am. Again, I did this visualization prior to me having a craving. I knew one of the triggers was here (anxiety and irritability) so did it earlier than usual. It seems to be working for me. Now today I woke up not irritable, refreshed for making it another day. No sobriety high. As I recall, that seems to only be there the first week for me. Unfortunately, probably will have to walk on my run since I bruised or broke a rib water skiing over the weekend. At least I don't have to wimp out due to a hangover!

  2. #19222
    Tere's Avatar
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    Good morning to all or evening!
    Thank you Camas and Aardwolf! Thank you for the support of your words. I made it through yesterday. My SO was supportive later in the day when I confessed what my thoughts were. He said he knew something was up by my mood. I always think I can hide what I am thinking or feeling but it comes out. Which I have to work on my trust in another, I agree with that! I am grateful I have this site and him to get through this addiction. It's truly a bitch how I could just come up with those thoughts. But to not act on them I am grateful I have the strength!
    No ziplining yesterday but 462 stairs up a mountain in 5 minutes not too bad for two old people I told my SO! LOL
    I am grateful for each day now to enjoy for my taking if I choose to stay on my sober path!
    Love to all of YOU!
    TERE

  3. #19223

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    Great job Tere! Now you're that much stronger for getting through that rough patch. I bet you feel that much stronger for getting through those feelings and desires without drinking.

    Day 10. I really am taking one day at a time but must admit that I will be very happy when I get through the time periods that have tripped me before. I know I shouldn't be thinking of that but I do occasionally. Just trying to be honest. 2 weeks is a rough patch for me. At that point I don't think of alcohol as much but for some reason I forget why I stopped. I'm hoping the daily visualizations of what alcohol does to me and why I'm not drinking etc will help at that point. Doing well so far, but still need to be prepared.

  4. #19224

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    camas, yep, be prepared for 2 weeks. I had a whole litany of which days were hard; here's a post about 2 weeks.
    Quote Originally Posted by carol View Post
    Starting day 9 & happy . . .I know from previous quitting bouts that my next big bogeyman is 2 weeks, next weekend, where I feel so great about quitting that I talk myself into having "just one".
    You can do this!

  5. #19225

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    Throwback Thursday. . .
    Quote Originally Posted by carol View Post
    I'm finishing day 17 this go-round. I've stopped and started a lot and am trying to get off this merry-go-round for good. Although I haven't made a firm commitment "forever" yet, for now I'm going with "just do it" and not drinking.

    I want to talk about the first few days of not drinking, partly for myself and maybe to help some of the people starting down this path. I started drinking 40 years ago, binge drinking then daily drinking, ever increasing. Tried all kinds of things, but like has been said, it's progressive. For years, I could not imagine even a single day without alcohol. I felt like I'd die if I didn't have any, but more and more I knew that I would surely die if I continued. There was always a part of me that didn't want to drink, that got drowned out (literally!) by the part that did want to drink. There was always a reason to drink: "I had a tough day, I deserve/need a drink." "I had a great day, I want to celebrate with a drink." "I'm stressed, I want a drink to relax." And we all know it was never "a" drink. But there was always a reason.

    Anyway, we all get there different ways, but the day comes that we make it one day without drinking. Day One! A very big deal indeed. For those who are just getting to Day One, congratulations!! You are on the way.

    Then day 2 comes along. The bloody little seductive monster tries all kinds of things to get us to drink. All the "reasons" above, plus new ones: "See, you didn't drink yesterday! You deserve a reward!" Or "You didn't drink yesterday, see you can quit anytime you want! It's OK, have a drink!" Or the hard sell, "You didn't drink yesterday, you're going into withdrawal, you need to have a drink!" And of course, if I go there, it's never "a" drink. By the way, like Patrick says, some people really do need medical supervision to withdraw; I'm no expert on that part.

    So it's so easy to take a day off, then start back up, and often it seems I just made up for lost drinking time by drinking even more.

    For me, if I managed to make it past day 2, day 3 was often not too bad. With 2 days of sobriety under my belt, I am feeling good and can stay strong. (This particular go-round day 3 was hard, though.)

    But day 4, oh day 4 just kicks my butt! The alcohol is all out of my system, and the craving is more than I can bear. The monster is starving and tries anything and everything: "Three days, see you DID quit! It's ok to have a little drink; you deserve to celebrate!" "I need a drink, I have to have a drink!" "Just one won't hurt!" BUT IT WILL AND IT DOES!

    Once in a great while, I've gotten past day 4 and into a week or two of sobriety. At that point, I fall into the trap that I can have "just one" and drink normally. And I can't. Even if I just have one that day, it's only a matter of days or maybe even weeks if I'm lucky before I'm back drinking as much as I can.

    So here I am, not drinking for now. In some of the earlier posts, I think maybe it was Sally who pointed out how very much work it is for us to procure our alcohol, hide it, drink it, maintain as best we can so people don't know, etc., etc. Then there's the succession of morning afters, regrets, recriminations, won't do it agains, etc. I've lived through so much of that and I'm tired of it.

    I just appreciate having a place where I can tell the truth. Congratulations to so many of you who have made it past day 4 and especially those approaching and exceeding day 30! But everyone here, even if you are still drinking, is working toward recovery, and it is such a joy to be part of such a community. Thanks to you all and to Patrick.

  6. #19226

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    Hey Carol - mad to read those posts and realise we're talking about you. You seem so determined and confident in your sobriety now. You can see how much you've moved on - go you

    Aw - mad you said that about Tere being male, I always assumed you were female? I'm not sure why.... Just being the Internet and anonymous once you get your image of someone, I guess you never question it until someone says something that changes things? Take it as a compliment - you're in touch with your female side... Glad things sound like they're calming down with you stress wise and you can move on... How are the kittens? Surely they've destroyed the house?

    Tere - good to hear you're being strong on your time away... You too camas... I agree with Carol, good to watch out for those vulnerable periods... I used to say days 3 and 20ish were my Achilles days..

    Hope, Janny - how are you both getting on?

    Glad it's Friday tomorrow. Yes, I do mean no chocolate aw! That's a bit of another weakness for me. I'm pushing myself on treadmill at moment and don't want sugar slowing me down, giving me headaches or giving me mood slumps... So it's out I'm not going as far as saying all sugar though, natural ones are ok.

    Xx

  7. #19227
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    Kimber/SN......

    I am quite moved by your post and I thank you so very much. We go way back here on SR. I have always been impressed by what you have achieved, especially given your experience... In fact, I remember thinking during that time that to remain sober in that situation seems impossible. Yet you did it. That is amazing. I have no confidence to endure such a thing.

    I do realize that everything is at stake here. Never a day goes by when I don't think of the bad experiences caused by alcohol and i often wonder what life would be like without it. I also realize that the past is harmful, but it is so hard to forget it and move on. It is tormenting me, but in my current situation, I must find my way out without the help of the physical presence of friends or therapists...

    overall, this is by far the most challenging period of my life and i never imagined i would get to 55 years old before seeing that.. if the rule here is "go big or go home" i don't know whether i can do it or not and maybe should just lie low until i can come back with big results. of late i feel like i have lost all credibility but maybe that happened a long time ago and it just became obvious to me. i really don't know. really quite confused at the moment.

    sorry not to write so much but work/eat/sleep/run is basically my life now. after long days in front of the computer,

    again, i so very much appreciate your thoughts and i have nothing but the deepest respect for you.

  8. #19228

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    Kip, sometimes baby steps are the best we can do. If that means go little and stay here vs go big or go home, fine. I've known you for a long time now, within the confines of this forum. I am glad you keep coming back. But you know from other times I've "spoken" directly to you that I am frustrated about your not being able to commit to quit and then following thru. You see from my post above that I wasn't able to commit to forever, even though that was the advice and counsel from Patrick. But I really really wanted to quit and was willing to do whatever it took including rehab if this didn't work, as Jim brought up recently. Those seem contradictory but that was me. My theme was "Nike, just do it!"

    So I hear from you the pain and suffering from drinking, and oh boy do I remember that. But I don't hear that you want to take action to quit. If I'm wrong, say so.

    I used to ask myself "what would it take?" And a whole lot of things on that list came to pass and I still didn't quit. I asked myself if my husband asked me to choose between booze and him would I have had the strength to quit, and feared that I would still have chosen the booze. You are lucky, as I was, that your wife hasn't left you, not yet, except for a couple of times when she took the dogs and went away for a little while.

    What will it take? Sue talked about the elevator to "rock bottom" or whatever we want to call it, and that we can actually stop the elevator at any floor and say that's our bottom. No need to keep making it worse,

    Are you willing to quit? There is no magic. Ther is no moment when it's right. The moment I finally quit was no different than other moments it's only looking back that it was finally my freedom day. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done.

    So be honest. If you want to read and post occasionally and drink on the side, go ahead, stay here, but be honest. Or are you willing to say you quit? Yes you may fail again before you succeed, I did here, but you will quit if you say so. Hard hard hard but possible.

    Enough from me.

  9. #19229

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    Aardwolf, your last post says "I'm capable of being very blunt"...really? I would have never guessed. Kip, it's very possible you do take care of your wife and make sure she knows she's loved but it sure doesn't hurt to reevaluate that as AW states above. When I'm drinking I feel like I'm more critical of others, including my amazing husband, because it makes me feel better about my flaws. I don't do this when I'm honestly working on myself. I don't feel like I can honestly be working on myself if I'm drinking. I know you drink similar to myself. We're able to stay fit, have a pretty good life, not drink every day etc. That just wasn't enough for me any more. It wasn't really doing much for me anymore. I wouldn't want to drink so much that my husband knew I was drinking (which I have a feeling he knows more than I think he does) but it wasn't enough to get that high I was searching for. The high only comes briefly when I start drinking. I don't want to struggle with the yo yo any more. I know you want it Kip, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Kick this before you retire otherwise you'll have too much time on your hands and it will be that much worse!

    Carol, thank you for the posts. Very inspiring and helpful!

    Day 11. Well into week 2. Not a thought of drinking except when I do my visualizations to remember why I don't drink. AW, I posted my top 3 reasons a few days ago but will list those and some more here. 1. Want to live a long life to watch my children grow and have children of their own. Don't want to kill my liver or pancreas. 2. Every time I drink I feel as though I'm cheating on my husband. My libido is non existent when I'm drinking plus I don't want him to smell alcohol on my breath. He deserves more. 3. Want to be the best mother I can be. Some mornings after I drink I feel more anxious and grouchy and have no motivation. I want my kids to always be around the real me and want them to feel empowered to be the best they can be because "that's what mom did". 4. I don't drink and drive often but occas when I've drank I've went to store or picked up kids. Poor judgement. Could never leave with myself if anything happened. 5. I have cancelled with my running friends when I've been too hungover to run. Running and the socialization is super important to me. I only get a chance to see my friends once a week and it sucks when I have to make up some lousy excuse because I'm too hungover to get out of bed. 6. Kind of like #3, but can't do real personal growth if I'm drinking because when things get really bad I would always have a bottle of wine to go to. If I'm too anxious...wine. Anxiety is my number one trigger, but I find it's like "riding a wave", it passes with not nearly as much time as I'd think. 7. Seeing the world and my environment more clearly. Not that I drank all the time, but I def feel like I appreciate the small stuff much more when I don't have the monkey on my back choking me. I feel strong now, but have this raw fear because I'm at a vulnerable stage where things can change so fast. I want to keep that fear with me because I think it can help me. As long as I keep it real I'll be ok.

    Kip, Hope, Janny, I really hope you find what you need to be here and give it a try again. It's scary, I know all too well. It's hard to fail but I found it's harder not to try.

  10. #19230

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    Day 12. Up early to meet some friends for a run. Yesterday evening I was so edgy. Tired of noise. Told my husband I was taking the dog for a walk and I did. Sat on the park bench and relaxed in the quiet space. I've been off with the kids the last 2 weeks which has been great but I need some me time and there's not much there. I'm just thankful I didn't make the regular excuse of needing to go to the store so I can medicate with a bottle of wine. No need. It passed and waking up to a dark but beautiful hangover free morning. I would have for sure cancelled this run if I drank and would have been in a worse mood. Bad moods are a fact of life. My husband is grouchy off and on and I'm sure it doesn't feel good to him either. He rarely drinks and seems to get through it. Kip, Janny, Hope, where are you?

  11. #19231

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    Hey Camas - go you
    In the beginning I found emotions were all over the place and that was really tough... Interesting how quickly I forget these things and reading your posts remind me...

    You do have highs and lows for a while but after some time it evens out. Personally I'm much calmer and happier than I was drinking, of course there are all the reasons of no longer having the guilt and constant Groundhog Day depressing feeling, my anxiety has all but gone and the lows are no longer a part of life... I would say highs and lows... But frankly, I can't remember the highs in the end..

    Enjoy your sober Saturday with a calmer and more refreshed body. Hope you enjoyed your run... Speaking of which, I'm going for mine...
    Xx

  12. #19232
    Chad's Avatar
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    Just finished 12 miles, beautiful morning for a run..
    Camas, I'm so happy for your success!!

    Happy weekend all


    Chad
    “Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome”

  13. #19233

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    Went shopping in city I live in today and noticed how many people were walking about completely muntered or carrying cans of Stella/ strong lager / cider.... Bit sad?
    Then one of them stood next to me... Swaying.. The. Just puked. Which was nice.
    And he was wearing crocs...

  14. #19234

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    Day 13. Ran 12 yesterday also Chad. My kids are basically laying on me so more later but wanted to thank AF & Chad for support!

  15. #19235
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    So AF, people can just walk around in all cities in England with an open container? I know in the US some cities you can, like Las Vegas, but most it's illegal..
    Camas, good for you on the 12 miles!! I Love it!!


    Happy Sober Sunday All!!

    Chad
    “Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome”

  16. #19236

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    Ha... People don't always do what they should do...
    Some areas are 'designated no drunks puking on people's feet free' areas... But they must be too drunk to read

    I'm going to do twelve... K - I suppose I need to start working with miles now being 'Great Britain' again and all that.. Tsk....
    If you don't hear from me again, the twelve k was too much for me... I want it on record I blame camas and Chad.

  17. #19237
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    Well, AF, look on the bright side at least it wasn't a 12 pack that took you out..;-)
    “Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome”

  18. #19238

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    Now... That depends which type... 2 X 6 pack?..

    All done.. Made me feel energised and alive. Love it.

    Hope everyone else is doing good and fighting the fight....

    X

  19. #19239

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    We seem to have slowed right back down again. As to emotions in early sobriety. Here's another bit of corny AA "wisdom".....
    Its true you feel better when you get sober. You feel anger better...you feel sadness better...you feel annoyed better...

  20. #19240

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    Feel all sorts of things better Jim

    Ahhhh... It's been a while since I've strung a few smutty silly posts together...

    It's a shame because people are missing out on so much... My honest top three sober points, all of them a surprise:-

    - Feeling alive / experiencing life.. All the subtleties... Things that would have passed me by..

    - having self respect and making an effort with how I look - clothes, make up... Feeling feminine. Not being ashamed to look in the mirror.

    - exercise - pushing yourself and feeling your muscles ache - again, unintended consequence - I couldn't be without it now.

    Janny, hope, camas, Tere, cosmic? You all ok?

    Hope so.

    Xx

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