Die hard recovery fanatic
What a long, strange trip it's been...
"You are never given anything you can't handle."
"That which does not kill us only makes us stronger."
Can I just vent for a second? LOL I've just had one hell of a year so far.
Had my daughter in December 2010.
Lost my mom 2 weeks later.
Our house is in foreclosure.
Behind on nearly every bill.
I'm the only one working... BUT... my fiance just found a job!
Working on oil fields... 14 hour days, 7 days a week.
The money will be a huge help, and the job is a Godsend.
Unfortunately, he'll have to leave for 30-40 days at a time.
And we live in Michigan. This time, he goes to Nevada.
Comes back in September.
He leaves tomorrow evening.
We found out about the job on Sunday, and he had it by Tuesday! LOL
I'm so freakin' thankful, but I am SOOOO overwhelmed. We have been inseparable since the day we met 4 years ago. I'm going to miss him like crazy! I've got to "hold down the fort" alone! And I have to practically learn how to be a single mom! But on the other hand, I prayed and prayed for something to happen. How can I get a blatant response and say, "No, that doesn't work for me, sorry..."?
To be completely 100% honest, I'm scared shitless. LOL He is, too. But at the same time, I welcome the challenge. Obviously what we were doing wasn't working! It's sad that a guy can't find a good-paying job where he lives. He has a felony so it makes it even that much harder! But I'm very, very grateful that I have a man willing to step up to the plate to support his family, no matter what it takes. I'm following suit!
I intend to use this time to "get our ducks in a row." We will scrape by until he gets paid. Then we will catch up. Then we will be AHEAD, and even have money in the bank!! I plan to pinch pennies every way I can so he can be home sooner.
In over our heads, but we finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. We still have a very long, frightening journey ahead of us... but I think that's why I relate to all of you so much. So many unknowns, a totally different way of life, more changes than you can count, and yet we all keep working toward the same goal of a better life!
I love you guys!
Hi Erin, your commitment and dedication to building a new life are beyond amazing. And so is that of your fiance. It's times like you've just described, and times like my journey on recovery, that I want to cry "Uncle... OK, I give...!"
There are so many unknowns in life, you're right. We have to trust, have faith, and sometimes just plain make life up as we go. We can choose to be scared, frightened, never make decisions and just keep spinning. But I can't live like that - always being afraid of what might be lurking around the corner. It sounds like you both have chosen not to live like that, either. Instead, we all are choosing life and all the exciting adventures we have yet to discover. Congratulations to you both!
Life can verge on overwhelming, for sure. I just try and remind myself to move at a steady pace so I come out stronger and wiser with each challenge. I wish the same for the both of you. Do keep in touch here with us so we can travel your journey with you. I do almost hate to ask, but have to (and you don't need to answer, but something to think about if you haven't)... Does your fiance have a plan (I guess that's the right word) for continuing to work on sobriety? I think it's a critical component for you both to have help and support right now as you go through the next few months.
Love to you!
Hey Erin - life is scary, kjbp is right....but it also can be a wonderful learning experience. Think of this as a new adventure - make each day an interesting one and learn from it. Take care of you - get lots of rest when you need it, reward yourself for little steps...We are all here for you - keep posting. Best wishes.
Die hard recovery fanatic
Erin....I will say a prayer for both of you. My fiance was in Iraq 2003-2004 and gone from home for a total of 16 months. I thought I would go crazy while he was gone. At that time they did not have internet established until a few months before he came home. We literally fell in love through letters and snail mail. It was an amazing time, and we are still together to this day.
We will be here for you!!!
Die hard recovery fanatic
Thank you to all three of you for the encouragement!! Yesterday was probably the hardest day I've ever faced, but somehow we made it. I told myself I was allowed yesterday to cry and be all blubbery and mushy. Today is a new day, and it's time to get busy. I miss him like crazy, and this is way harder on him than he thought it would be (I pretty much knew how I would react, lol), but soon the initial shock will wear off for both of us, and we'll be focused on the task at hand. I have complete faith in him. I'm kind of glad it happened so fast, so I didn't have time to sabotage our plan!
kjbp - you're absolutely right... I have been spinning my wheels for as long as I can remember. I have let fear keep me from accomplishing a lot in my life. I'm ready to do something!
Sally - That's how I intend to tackle this! It's an adventure and a challenge. The rest will be the hardest part. LOL King-size bed all to myself, but I have a baby girl and 2 dogs to help fill it.
Julliet - Thank you! That is very encouraging to me. Sixteen months seems impossible, but if you can do that, a month and a half is nothing in comparison! I'm just going to take it a day at a time, a task at a time, and dig us out of this hole. Before long, it'll be September, because I'll keep myself busy and not notice the time.
Erin, I'm so glad you wrote to let us know how you're doing.
I had to laugh in reading your post because I used to get so upset whenever my husband would go out of town. He's in the helicopter industry and it has always required quite a bit of traveling - the industry is such a niche market that there are so few trained people in the business. I've come to terms with it - finally after 20 years. I used to deal with it by drinking myself into oblivion. Now, I take "advantage" of the king size bed and sleep in the middle! I watch what I want on tv, catching an episode of Oprah every now and then, or a marathon of House or NCIS. I rearrange the furniture how I want to, try out new paint colors on the walls, spend hours just wandering the grocery store getting ideas... Pat is going out of town next week and I'm already scheming what I'm going to do. I'm thinking an at-home leg wax and eyebrow tinting experiment
Keep posting sweetie. This time and his return will be even more special for the both of you. I'm very happy for you. kathy
Die hard recovery fanatic
Regina - Thank you for checking on me! Well, he is home. Turns out he was lied to about several aspects of the job - the pay is about $15 LESS than what he was told it would be. The job paid $9/hour... for that, he can find a factory job here AND be home with his family every night. On top of that, the "friend" that gave him the tip on the job is completely whacked out on steroids. He said the guys on the crew were cool enough, but 8 out of 10 of them had meth mouth. (I guess to work in 110-degree weather, carrying 150 pounds and working 14 hour days, 7 days a week, they feel that's what they have to do to make it through.) They all went out and got wasted every night, coming in at 5 a.m., only to have to report to work by 7.
He said the work itself was really interesting, just not worth it to him to be away for that long and only making that much. He's 40 and all the other guys are in their 20s, none of them with families. It just wasn't the lifestyle he's looking for anymore. At first, he felt like he let us down. To me, his health and ultimately his life are way more important to me than any job or wage.
As far as I'm concerned, I did unbelievably well on my end! Every time I started to think or worry, I got up and did something. The house was spotless in a week. I became very organized. I got into a really good routine and was early for work every day... when I'm usually struggling to get here on time. LOL Positive thinking has really taken over, it's a lot easier to push the negative out now. I didn't care for him being gone, but I was bound and determined to make it work. It was also amazing to me how when one of us had a weak moment ("I just want to come home" or "I just want you home"), the other was strong. And yes, even just a little over a week apart made us closer and our relationship stronger!
I would have come on here to post during the times I started thinking, but the internet wasn't on at home. But I've still been on here every day I've worked, posting here and there and mostly reading.