Thread: Dating a addict

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    2

    Dating a addict

    I'm a recovering alcolohic, 3 years sober this feb, . I met my guy last sep 2011 and he told me he was in very early recovery in AA. I know him through my brother in law and even 12 years ago before I was married so this guy knew I was in recovery also. Cut a long story short, he never went into recovery and even with my knowledge and so on I kept seeing him until last August when I told him to sod off and get help I said it nicely though I find conflict difficult. I didnt stick to my guns he kept calling every month or so (he works away at sea alot) and we kept getting back together. This xmas he again told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he was off his head most of the time and then got very sick from the drink. He even said to me he was poisoned and he saw on tv a giuy got sober at 35 etc but of course nothing has changed. I did a brutal thing. I cant stand this anymore so I stayed away new years and left him on his own, he stayed in bed sick from drink. Then new years day I emailed to get help, I'd support if he did but if chose not to we were over permanently and I would not speak nor see him again. He never replied and has not yet called me but he never does to those kind of emails and hes working so hes home this week and eventually will call I think based on last 6 months. He waits to see will I calm down as he says. I know we have no future but he is a wonderful person, never aggressive or hurtful loving etc but mostly now off his head every day hes not working. I am so sorry I can't help him. I love him but really there is no hope is there? He was in rehab 28 days in 2008 his last girlfriend made him go he says but he came out continued on drinking etc and his relationship failed they had a new baby then too. It took him 2 years to get over this loss but still he never changed. Am I right to walk away, I guess I need to know this as its hard to let go and let god when you wish somehow you could help.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    I know its possible to stop drinking and there is a much better life without it. Everyone I know drinks there are not many non drinking people in my age group or area but I'm happy as are my children. It is his loss and his little girl. Thank you.

  3. #3
    AllenBerg's Avatar
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    May 2014
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    You have to encourage him well

  4. #4

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    Aug 2014
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    As long as he was in recovery and doing what he could to stay there, then you would have no problem dating him.

  5. #5

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    Aug 2014
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    I see a lot of people saying that you have to encourage him – you owe him nothing. I have tried for four years out of my life to help someone get their life back together, and it turns out I was just a crutch. I was not actively helping that person and I should have gotten out way earlier. You worry about your happiness first....

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Oct 2017
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    I know that it is hard but firstly you should think about your life and your happiness. So don't sacrifice your happiness and live your life with joy
    Last edited by alicerussel; 10-09-2017 at 03:15 PM.
    Always remember about three things: your family, your life and God. It is not so hard and you need to always think about that

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Dec 2017
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    If you love him try to help him and pray to god that everything will be okay. Everyone of us had a trials that cannot be avoided, you need to be strong.

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