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Drinking/sleeping with sponsor
  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    East coast
    Posts
    2

    Angry Drinking/sleeping with sponsor

    I recently found out that my partner's sponsor is providing him with alcohol as well as sleeping with him. I am having a hard time convincing him that this is not "healthy progress". How do you compete with a sponsor that knows how to play the alcoholics justification game?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    281
    H - I'm sorry your having to endure this. On every level this is abuse - Power, Trust, etc. My only suggestion is for you at this time to seek out professional help and possibly some time apart. PLEASE keep in mind, this is only my thoughts. Use them as you see fit. Wishing you better days.

  3. #3
    Periwinkle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    345
    Ummm...if I recall, a sponsor is not supposed to be somebody of the sex you are attracted to? I call bullshit and your partner needs to get out of that dysfunctional crap.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    281
    Periwinkle said it better

  5. #5
    Chad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,502
    With what little info. you have given.. (Do you have kids? Are you married?) I have no other advice other than move on.. I think dealing with an alcoholic is enough without the other stuff.. Move on, your life is important too..

    Chad
    “Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome”

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    1,059
    I am not at all attracted to my sponsor.. something about 60 year old guys just doesn't do it for me.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    East coast
    Posts
    2
    Thanks for the advice. This website has been an inspiring educational tool. I can not believe how much I have learned. Surprisingly I have learned as much about myself as I have about the alcoholic in my life. I can see now why my tactics are not working. It is funny how you can look at someone everyday for 25 years and not see the truth. I, like many others have made all of the classic mistakes of trying to "fix" him.

    It is a very overwhelming feeling when you are hit in the face with the reality that everything I have tried to do to protect him or show him how wonderful our life could be without alcohol has done nothing.

    I have stood by him through two trips to rehab. He did his 90 meetings in 90 days and seemed to be doing well, then one day he was back to his old self. He openly admits to being an alcoholic, and has no problem sharing with people that he has been through rehab. He says that he does not want to go back to rehab because he already knows what he has to do to quit drinking. He seems so remorseful when he is drinking. He is very apologetic for hurting me, but continues to do so (mentally, not physically). I am angry that his so called sponsor is taking advantage of him. I plan on confronting her but feel that right now may not be the best time.

    I know of at least two affairs, but I would not be surprised to find that there have been others. You do not know humiliation until your daughter calls you to tell you that her fathers mistress made it a point to tell her that she was sleeping with her father.

    Bottom line is that after 25 years I am still in love with the man that I know he is. Some might say that I am in love with someone that does not exist anymore, but I see him during those spells that he doesn't drink. I know he is in there. I do not know if I will ever have the strength to cut the ties and let him sink or swim on his own. My daughter told me last week that she thought that I was either the strongest women she has ever met or the dumbest. Maybe I am not strong or dumb, maybe I am just mad, hurt and in denial.

    I have tried Al-Anon and was really disappointed that I did not feel welcome. I actually felt as if I were interupting a private conversation. I attended several weeks of sessions and still didn't feel like part of the group, so I quit attending. We live in a rural area that has only two groups.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    281
    Honey,

    Here is an article that might offer some insight.

    http://mindfulconstruct.com/2010/07/...e-healthy-way/

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