1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    1

    What's rock bottom?

    My husband started drinking heavily about 2 years ago and then got progressively worse. Last summer he was falling all over the house, staying in his lazyboy, and getting progressively more depressed. He fell pretty severely last Sept and was hospitalized for a week. They got him dried out, but no he wouldn't get help. He'd quit on his own. That lasted about 2 weeks. Again drinking got worse and eating got less. By the end of Nov he was in bad shape, falling again .... finally got him to the hospital where he was in intensive care for about 3 weeks and then eventually to a physical rehab facility. (so disappointed that no one pushed the issue of his drinking there).... so he's been home since the first of the year, no drinking till about a week or so ago. Got him to an addiction councelor - one meeting so far, but he's still drinking and lying about it. Its really so obvious!!! I love him so much .... but it's making me a wreck. I'm going to go over all the pics we took of him in the ICU and the diary I kept. I'm so afraid it's going to all start again. Do I need to kick him out??

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    1,223
    katetar, sorry you are having to go thru this. Rock bottom is different for each of us (yep, I drank). I don't know if you should kick him out, but I sense that your instincts that make you ask that are right on - you can't fix this for him, more's the pity.

    Here's an article that the founder of this site, Patrick, wrote some time ago. It covers a lot, and you may find it useful:

    http://www.spiritualriver.com/i-have...-to-help-them/

    I know many people who people like me have hurt have found help with Al-Anon as well.

    I'm almost 3 years sober. My husband put up with a lot. But it had to be me to take the steps to get sober. Getting him to an addiction counsellor sounds like it was a great step on your part. Now he has to work. And yes, I lied.

    You have to take care of yourself, too.

    Good luck! I wish I could be more definitive, I wish you didn't have to go thru this. I hope this helps a little.

  3. #3
    _Erin_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    822
    Hi Katetar,

    Welcome, and I am sorry to hear of what you're going through, too. I agree with everything Carol wrote.

    My mom drank for 20 years after my dad died, and (among other things) developed diabetes in 2000, cataracts so bad she had to stop driving, had a heart attack in 2005, had two toes amputated in 2007, and went through quadruple bypass heart surgery by 2008. In between, she also lost her job and couldn't afford to heat her house. I found out about Al-Anon and started going after her heart attack, and after every one of these events, I'd think to myself, "Is this it? Is this her rock bottom?" She passed away in January of 2011, and we still found a Sprite bottle with Southern Comfort mixed in under the couch. So no event, no matter how awful it may seem, can actually "mark" the end of your loved one's drinking career. It is completely and 100% up to the drinker.

    No one can answer for you whether you should kick your husband out or not. But like Carol said, trust your gut instinct. You can set boundaries, but you have to stick to them mercilessly. If it's easy for him to keep drinking, why would he ever change? And you will drive yourself nuts worrying about if he's going to drink, how much he's drinking, where he's keeping it, etc... Loving an addict/alcoholic is an addiction itself - you are constantly obsessed with their actions and what you can do to make things better and what you can say right the next time.

    It's worth the time and effort to look into Al-Anon, or something similar for support. You DO have to take care of yourself. I know it feels like as far as he's concerned, your hands are tied. They are! He's a big boy, he has to make the decision to get better for himself. But you can worry about you, and get your head in the right place to deal with him and life in general.

    Please feel free to come back and keep posting! Good luck!!
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    As you sow, so shall you reap.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    1

    what do i do

    What can i do that i havent allready done ive tried to understand ive tried being the voice of reason but its killing me my sister is an addict and lying about it she is so beautiful inside n out she has never had that 1 tru friend they have all used and abused even her work place ive seen the evidence of this and it was cruel beyond words i think she has given up on feeling that she will have any happiness in her life and its such a shame bcos she has the biggest heart of anyone i no but crack meth its destroying her and me she lives at home if only she could find that 1 genuine friend partner im sure it could b turned around her drig use shocked me to the core what do i do

  5. #5

    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    18
    katetar, sorry to hear what you're going through! Just wanted to know what are you doing now and still dealing your husband? Is he recovered?

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    1
    It's worth the time and effort to look into Al-Anon, or something similar for support. You DO have to take care of yourself. I know it feels like as far as he's concerned, your hands are tied. They are! He's a big boy, he has to make the decision to get better for himself. But you can worry about you, and get your head in the right place to deal with him and life in general.

    Please feel free to come back and keep posting! Good luck!!

    طرا*ی سایت

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